How to be an idiot on the internet

hC74A8988In convenient, step-by-step form.

  1. Read an article on the Internet about something that you don’t care about.  Like, for example, the fact that Lifetime has cast someone to play Aaliyah in their upcoming biopic about Aaliyah, and that that choice is controversial because the actress in question isn’t “black enough” or something like that.  Note that it is critical that you don’t care enough about Aaliyah to know what she looks like.
  2. Look at the picture of the actress they chose at the top of the page and determine that she manages to look like a black woman as far as you can tell.
  3. Google “Aaliyah,” because you don’t know what Aaliyah looks like.  Blink a couple of times at sheer disbelief at the nonsense people can get mad about.  Spend several minutes comparing pictures and thinking Jesus, this chick looks just like Aaliyah, what the hell are these people complaining about?  
  4. After several– several— minutes, decide that maybe the picture of the actress is just the most Aaliyah-ish picture of her they found– maybe already in hair and makeup for the movie?– and Google the actress’ actual name, Zendaya Coleman.
  5. Oooooohhhhhhhh.

Sooner or later, I need to stop procrastinating and actually do some goddamn work.

Published by

Luther M. Siler

The author of SKYLIGHTS, THE BENEVOLENCE ARCHIVES and several other books.

17 thoughts on “How to be an idiot on the internet

  1. Nice bait in this trap. This nerdish person needs to get to work and having a difficult time not looking up the stuff! Okay, I’ll resist, until next time I get back to the keyboard. Like a song that keeps going round and round in my brain… can’t get it out!

    Like

        1. Hundred bottles of beer on the wall, a hundred bottles of beer…
          You take one down……

          Like

  2. So let me see if I understand you . . . the problem isn’t that she’s too light-skinned, the problem is that she’s too Disney?

    Like

      1. I did, but there seem to be so many things wrong with this casting that the shade of her skin doesn’t leap out as the most important.

        Like

        1. And, for the record, having seen Romeo Must Die, I did know beforehand what Aaliyah looked like: an African-American Jennifer Love Hewitt. style.mtv.com//wp-content/uploads/style/2013/08/89095797-aaliyah-3.jpg

          Like

        2. The point is that the woman at the top of the page, who I was comparing to pictures of Aaliyah on the Internet and getting gradually more bewildered as to why people were complaining, IS AALIYAH. So, yeah, she looks quite a bit like Aaliyah and would do a good job portraying her in a movie.

          They could cast you in the movie for all I care.

          Like

  3. My husband asked me to write a post about how to be an idiot on the internet. While I think it’s a great topic, my heart wasn’t in it. Thank you! Now I can show him this and I’m off the hook!

    Like

  4. Got home from working this evening, and just had to look at the links. Would have taken less of my attention if I had just punched the buttons initially! Anyway, interesting research on your part. I don’t see what the flap is about the actress not being exactly the same shade as the “original.” Better question, can she get into the role and play the part? Makeup can do wonders with the looks.

    Like

Comments are closed.