This was originally supposed to be a post about how technology has made applying for teaching positions in multiple school districts a surprisingly simple and pain-free process; it’s still partially about that, I guess.  Have you guys heard of Applitrack?  Is that an education-only thing or has it spread to other HR departments in other fields?  Long story short: I’ve applied for jobs in four different districts as of this evening.  The first application took me forever to get finished because of all the stuff I had to track down and then enter into their system– like, literally, a couple of weeks in three or four sittings– but because all of these schools share the same architecture I can just import my application from one district to another, with only a few specific things that don’t move over or unique stuff for each district that I have to fill out, which means that while it took weeks to get the application for District 1 done, I finished my apps for both District 3 and District 4 tonight.

District Four, though… mang, fuck District Four.   District Four wasn’t satisfied with the questions the other districts had, adding a half-hour goddamn multiple choice personality test that they insisted be completed in one sitting, with timed “just give your first reaction!” types of questions where the answer to every single fucking question is going to begin with the words “it depends on…”

I hate hypothetical teaching questions, guys.  There are a million billion kajillion factors that go into even the tiniest goddamn decision that I make at my job, and giving me half-assed hypotheticals and making me choose one of four (when the answer could just as easily be “none of the above” or even fuckin’ “all of the above) answers on a ticking 35-second timer is just making me think I probably don’t want to work for your district after all and you can take your damn fishhooks and shove ’em up your ass.

(Don’t worry about it if you don’t get the reference, but you really should have read Hunger Games by now.)

Anyway.

The personality test wasn’t their worst sin, though.  One of the other things I have to do with these applications is upload a bunch of files to each of them– a cover letter, a resume, recommendation letters, transcripts, etc.  I’ve already pulled down all of these files for the District One application so I’ve got them all in my “Applying for Stuff” folder in my Dropbox and uploading them is a snap.  Except these fuckers want my Praxis scores for some goddamn reason.

You have gotta be fucking kidding me.  Because ETS, the company that runs the Praxis test, is the scum of the goddamn Earth and I would rather be living in a cardboard box under a bridge next year than have to give them any more of my money. ($40!  For my own fucking scores for a test that cost two hundred fucking dollars!  And they think it’s okay to make you wait ten fucking business days to email you a digital file.  I hate ETS more than any company on Earth, people.  They are vermin.)

The other thing?  You know I’ve passed these goddamn tests already.  How do you know that?  I’m a licensed teacher and I actually have a job right now, all of which are impossible without passing Praxis tests.  You don’t need my goddamn Praxis scores, assholes.  Luckily, I had some shit on paper lying around that I was able to scan, because seriously: I’m not giving these fuckers any more money to release my own scores to me for a fucking extortionate fee, and between wanting that completely-irrelevant-yet-expensive-and-inconvenient document and the bullshit personality test, I think your district has probably already failed the first interview.

Bah.