Last night, at approximately 4:30 in the morning, I was bludgeoned out of a sound sleep by the sudden and overwhelming need to vomit.  Like, threw the covers damn near off the bed, kicked the cat, scared the shit out of the dog, damn near fell over clawing for the bathroom before I projectile vomited all over my entire fucking bedroom.  And then… nothing.  I got into the bathroom and absolutely nogoddamnthing happened.   When my alarm woke me up this morning, I spent a moment reflecting on the fact that I was able to breathe normally and thought oh, hey, maybe I’m better!  and then got out of bed and was damn near forced to my knees by the virulence of the ensuing coughing fit.  How the hell I made it to work this morning is a mystery, and instead of the usual caffeine product that I make sure to bring with me every day (a bottle of tea, most of the time) I brought Robitussin.  I literally do not know how I got through the day, but I managed it, and with enough sales to make the effort more or less worth it.

On the way home, I drove past another fucking wild turkey.  I live less than a mile from what is effectively open prairie and woodland (yes, both, in different directions) so the occasional deer and the much-less-occasional herd of deer in the neighborhood isn’t unheard of, along with the other usual urban wildlife, but I swear I never saw a wild turkey before this year and now I’m seeing them all the time.  Wild turkeys are fucking weird, guys, and I have the same reaction every time I see one, which is to briefly wonder why the fuck a dinosaur is that close to my car.  This particular wild turkey was even weirder, because I watched it in my rear-view mirror as I was driving past and the damn thing was hopping, not walking, across the street.  So maybe it’s a one-legged wild turkey?  I dunno.  I’ve never been one for hunting but I kind of do want to see if these things make for good eating or not.

A minute or so later, I had another massive coughing fit and came very close to swerving into oncoming traffic.  Frighteningly close, actually.  Probably should have pulled over.

And then I got home and made the sumptuous feast you see in the photo above for dinner– yes, that’s turkey– and for dessert I plan to have codeine.  I will try to post something more generally useful and less hallucinatory tomorrow; for now I’m just happy to be alive.

The end.