CCPR update: Super Why

imagesDo you happen to remember my review of “Super Why”?  Here it is, if you want to go look at it.  Consider this post a follow-up, if you like.

TL;DR version: Wyatt (I’m still not going to spell his stupid name the way they want me to) is still a huge asshole.

Slightly longer: I’m writing this Thursday night to pop Friday morning, right?  The boy made me watch an episode of this stupid show earlier today.  The episode was literally about what a damn unredeemable asshole Wyatt is.

So Inexplicable Pig calls Wyatt on his phone-thing.  He’s building a sandbox!  Wyatt goes and finds the pig and watches him.  He asks if he can help and the pig, hilariously, says no, he’d rather build the sandbox his damn self rather than suffer Wyatt’s presence for even a single second longer.  Go away, Wyatt.

So Wyatt goes and finds the slutty one.  She’s having having a tea party with her mother.  While wearing roller skates for some reason.  She also tells Wyatt to piss off and that she doesn’t have time for him.  Then Wyatt goes and finds the one who likes vegetables too much.  She’s busy too!  I don’t remember why; it’s not important.  The important bit is that none of Wyatt’s friends want him around.

Do you know what this asshole does?  Go ahead and guess; I dare you.

Yep.

He proclaims this… “A SUPER BIG PROBLEM!” and calls a meeting of the Super Readers, who are the same people who just rejected him, to investigate the problem of why none of them wanted to hang out with him.  He seriously and literally tells people who have just told him that they don’t want to be with him that they need to drop what they’re doing to help him figure out why they don’t want to be around him.

And, because this show is stupid, they actually do.

The super story answer, by the way, is “CREATE.”  In other words, “find something else to do, idiot.”

I hate this show.

Creepy Children’s Programming Review: Super Why

super-whyYou may consider this Part Three if you like; there are other reviews of children’s shows here and here.

Super Why, with the possible exception of Harry the Bunny, is my least favorite show the boy has ever liked.  I hate it.  I hate its theme song.  I hate its smarmy-ass punk main character.  I hate its premise.  I hate its messages.  I hate the fact that a show about spelling and words has a main character whose name is “Whyatt,” which is misspelled.  And, incidentally, I won’t be spelling his name that way at any other point in this review.  Because it’s stupid.

Everything about this show is confused and screwed up.  The story starts in an actual, real-world library, right, with actual people wandering around and looking at books.  Then Wyatt pops out from between some books.  He’s, like, three inches tall.  He beckons you back between the books and go into his world.  I don’t know why he has to have his own world or a portal to the real world, but whatever.  Then he wanders around until something happens.

Important detail: Wyatt is a huge goddamn drama queen.  It doesn’t matter how simple or solvable the thing that happens is.  Wyatt’s got a damn rock in his shoe.  There’s a leaf in the road.  It’s slightly warmer outside than he would like it to be.  Wyatt will pronounce this “a SUPER BIG PROBLEM!” and command a meeting of the Super Readers to solve the problem.  You, the viewer, have already figured out that he needs to shake the rock out of his shoe, or walk around the leaf, or take his fucking sweater off, but no, Wyatt’s gotta be the center of goddamn attention and make a huge production out of everydamnthing.  And he’s seriously a dumb sonofabitch, too.  One episode was about how a character was angry and somebody didn’t know why.  The answer (SPOILER ALERT!) was, honest to god, after dragging all his friends all over the goddamn place, that they should ask him.

hate him.

Anyway, yeah, he and his dipshit friends have to solve the SUPER BIG PROBLEM! using their “powers.”  Right, he has three friends who I didn’t mention: there’s a pig, and I’m not sure why there’s a pig, because there are no other talking animals in the show.  But there’s a pig.  There’s a girl who is frighteningly obsessed with vegetables.  And the slutty one.  They all suck.  Wyatt makes them all go to the “book club” so that they can use the SUPER DUPER… COMPUTER! to solve their problems.  See that ellipsis?  There’s a dramatic pause before every use of the word “computer” on the show.  It happens about fifteen times an episode.  So they have to transform into superheroes and use “alphabet power” and “word power” and “letter power,” maybe, I dunno, they really seem to overlap, and then there’s you, and you have the “power to help,” which doesn’t fit thematically with the rest at all.

Here is how they transform: they wear different clothes.  The pig is still a pig.

Anyway, the vegetable-obsessed one uses her magic (there’s magic, too) to choose a book, and then the three-inch library people jump into the book, so that they can find “super letters,” and the “super letters” get fed into the SUPER DUPER… COMPUTER! and then they get their clue, once the computer unscrambles the letters?  And this show was designed by a meth-head, right?  Because none of this shit works at all as a unified concept.

But, right, once they’re inside the book (they fly into the book, using flying rockets, that appear nowhere else in the show, because sure they do) they have to solve a problem for the characters in the book while they’re looking for their super letters, so there’s those problems to deal with, and those problems are usually stupid too.  The slutty one sings a rhyme song, the pig builds things with letters (?) and I can never remember what the vegetable one does.

Then the seriously shitty part happens.  Wyatt has the power to read, right?  Because that’s a “power,” not something that everyone should be able to do, which is kinda fucked up in its own right.  Wyatt solves problems by changing the words in the book.  So if Little Red Riding Hood is eaten by the big bad wolf, he just uses his magic word-changing power to change the word “eaten” to “tenderly made love to,” but only after checking first that, like, “rinsed” doesn’t make sense, which it never does.  Then Little Red Riding Hood’s story is changed and she’s happy and they find the last Super Letters and they pop back out into the real world– except it’s not the real world, it’s three-inch library-weirdo world, which you can get to from the real world.

This is where the door from “Balremesh” really went to, by the way.

But that’s fucked up, right?  And they usually use real fairy tales, which they fuck all up anyway in the retelling, and then this dude literally uses the power of censorship to rewrite the parts of other people’s stories that aren’t convenient to him so that his SUPER DUPER… COMPUTER! can spell out TURN YOUR SHOE OVER, DUMBASS and he can spill his rock onto the ground and go about his day without inconveniencing his friends any further.  Then there’s a godawful song about how the Super Readers saved the day, only they didn’t, because there was never really a problem in the first place, because Wyatt is a drama queen and did I mention I hate him?

Because, seriously, I hate him.