Tag: post office

I had no pie today

On By Luther M. SilerIn Politics4 Comments

… but I did have a slice of abso-damn-lutely delicious carrot cake for dessert that I grabbed from our local grocery on a whim, and I’m so sugared up right now that I might die, and that’s fine, and if you’re one of those people who doesn’t like carrot cake you may have a regular carrot and find an alternate use for it. Carrot cake is Goddamned awesome and I have it maybe once a year, and tonight decided to be the night.

And I think I’m going to leave it at that, because I just found out that the Post Office is cutting 10,000 jobs and anything else I have to say is going to attract the attention of the FBI. The Indianapolis post office distribution hub may already be the most fucked place in the country— I’ve had a package sitting there for two weeks with no information at all– and … yeah. I’mma stop there.

Sometimes I think about how I thought I hated George W. Bush, and how that doesn’t even vaguely compare to the quality and quantity of hatred that continues to blacken my soul every fucking day in 2025. So I’m going to go back to thinking about the rest of that carrot cake, because otherwise I start wondering about what a regular civilian normal person might be able to do to damage someone who owns a private jet, and that seems like a bad idea.

Postcard, annotated

On By Luther M. SilerIn Politics2 Comments

You can probably expect me to keep rattling on about this until these damn things are all done; I managed 35 of them today, and I’m done with almost half of them. My stamina seems to be growing, so I’ll shoot for 40 tomorrow and see what happens to my handwriting at the end.

Anyway, I’ve been fiddling with the message I’m supposed to write on these things as I’ve been going through and I think I’ve settled on the Luther Approved Version. I think I posted this already, but here’s the official text that I’m basing my cards on:

Hi [voter’s first name]! Thank you for being a voter! Your friends and family may need your reminder to vote. Please ask them to vote in the Tues. Nov 5 election! – [your first name].

And here’s my version:

Hi [voter’s first name]!1 Thank you for being a voter!2 Your friends and family3 may need your encouragement4 to vote. Please ask5 everyone6 to do their part7 in the election on November8 5!
-Luther

  1. I kind of wish I had some other way to refer to everyone; every so often I get a name that is almost certainly not what the voter calls themselves, and when I get things sent to me that don’t have my preferred name on them it’s always an immediate turnoff. ↩︎
  2. I don’t mind this formulation at all. I wrote a couple that said “thank you for voting,” but I like “voter” more because even if the person hasn’t voted yet, it’s a subtle push that a voter is what you are and therefore even if you haven’t voted yet you’re going to, because that’s what voters do, right? ↩︎
  3. Again, not a change, but “friends and family” and not “family and friends” because folks are more likely to befriend people who align with them politically and we all know about that one asshole uncle you’ve got. Feel free to not talk to him! I’ve considered tossing “like-minded” in there a couple of times but this is already long enough. ↩︎
  4. I don’t like “reminder,” because it feels hectoring and I’m pretty sure that people know there’s an election coming. If they genuinely don’t know yet I’m not sure getting them to vote helps me any. “Encouragement” feels a lot more active without being nagging and also has the word “courage” in it. That said, do you know how many letters the word “encouragement” has in it? A hundred and fifty-three. ↩︎
  5. Thought about moving “remind” here and didn’t. Ask. ↩︎
  6. “Everyone” and not “them.” Ask everyone. Everyone? Everyone. ↩︎
  7. I feel like the original message overuses the word “vote.” I get why, of course, because repetition is king, but damn it I’m a writer and it’s overused. Plus “do their part” makes it sound like a responsibility and something people are supposed to do, which has the advantage of being completely true. Go do your damn job, reluctant Democratic voters! ↩︎
  8. I dislike two abbreviations in a row and I don’t feel like the “Tuesday” really 100% needs to be there, especially since it’s on the front of the card. November 5 it is! ↩︎

Also, did you know how much a postcard stamp goes for nowadays? Fifty-six cents, which means two hundred of them runs a hundred and fifteen dollars after the handling fee. I had no choice other than “standard” delivery, which had bloody well better get the damned things to me by the 23rd or I’m gonna fight somebody. You’d think the post office, of all places, would tell you specifically how fast “standard delivery” gets me my damn stamps but they don’t.

In which I guess I’m on a watch list now

On By Luther M. SilerIn idiocy, Uncategorized3 Comments

IMG_2872So that was interesting.

Any of you who have read Searching for Malumba closely have no doubt noted the dedications page.  If you haven’t, feel free to click on that link right there and check out the “Look Inside” feature and you can go see it for yourself right now.

Then buy the book.

Ahem.  Anyway. SfM is dedicated generally to all the teachers I have known and/or worked with in my life, and specifically to about a dozen or so who have been my teachers, ranging from my second grade teacher to graduate school.

One of those professors is Bill Ayers.  Yes, that Bill Ayers.  Y’know, the guy who gave DeRay McKesson the idea to wear a vest everywhere he goes.

This week, I got in touch with Bill and another former professor and asked them both if they would be interested in me sending them copies of Malumba, seeing as how they’re mentioned in it and all.  Both were incredibly gracious about it and managed to actually seem excited about me sending them some of my nonsense through the mail.  Now, Bill still lives in Chicago.  The other professor is on sabbatical in Rome right now, but actually works at the Catholic Theological Union, so both packages were going to the same ZIP code.

I have mailed dozens of books from my local post office, and my PO box is there, too.  This means that the employees recognize me and that, furthermore, I’m always mailing the same thing— a book or two in the same damn kind of padded envelope I used last time, book rate, and yes I want a tracking number because I send people the tracking numbers.

I have never been hugely fond of the woman who took care of me today.  She always seems to be in a bad mood and has the type of pinched. harried look about her that brings to mind the old adage about having the face you’ve earned once you turn fifty.

I hand her my (identical) packages.  “Book rate,” I say.  The one on top is Bill’s.

She takes a long look at Bill’s, frowns rather conspicuously, and says something that no post office employee has ever said to me when trying to mail a book.  And, again, I’ve been in there dozens of times in the last couple of years.

“You understand that any postal employee may open and inspect any book rate package at any time and for any reason, yes?”  She stamps the package with something, then looks at the other one, hesitates for several seconds, and stamps it anyway, which seems to indicate that she didn’t have to stamp it.

I keep my face neutral, neither laughing at her nonsense nor arguing with her.  Just said yes.  You just better package that shit up correctly when you’re done with it.

She takes care of business, carefully putting the book off to the side (note that this isn’t suspicious; she put it where they always put my books when I mail them) and then suddenly remembers that the second package is there too.  Stares at that one for a second.

“Are you sure that this address doesn’t need an apartment number?”

What the fuck, lady.  Just mail my shit, okay?

“It’s the Catholic Theological Union,” I say.  “No.”

I leave out that the professor I’m mailing it to is the CTU’s professor of Islamic Studies.  Because I think I’ve had enough shade thrown at me today.

The end.