I never saw Aquaman in theaters. Not for any particular reason; I don’t hate the movie version of the character the way I do Angry Rodent Ninja or the Murder Alien. We just didn’t prioritize it the way we would have a Marvel movie, and then it was out of theaters and we had to rent it on iTunes. I realized very quickly that there was only going to be one way for me to watch it. I am hoping that making this into a blog post does not take sixteen hours and make me crazy.
I am fifteen minutes or so into Aquaman and it may be necessary to livetweet it.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
How did a guy with bulletproof skin get all those tattoos?
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Hey, I know, we’re inside a sub, let’s use lots of explosives and projectile weapons!
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Ah, the old “let me die or I’ll kill us both” gambit. Clever!
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
We are 22 minutes in and I just heard I think the 10th dramatic guitar chord.
This submarine is highly classified! We are using blueprints of it as images in our broadcast.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Okay the selfie scene was cute.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
I was about to say the underwater summit sequence was cool but then Expositor started talking.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
I don’t like the echoey voices.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
…that crocodile-thing is swimming REALLY hard.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Was there essential story in Justice League that I missed because I’d rather die than watch Justice League?
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Unexpected tsunamis are the worst kind.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
30 minutes in and the movie has had more vomit than all the Marvel films combined.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
In general I approve of the camera work. It’s different; I like it.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
“We can do more than just talk,” says the creepy older guy.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
I don’t care if you’re Aquaman or not you don’t dive into water FACE FIRST.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
This is 100% the prettiest superhero movie. I wish I had a bigger TV.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
…yeah, Atlantis is fucking gorgeous.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
In any other movie this approach in the ship would have been twenty seconds. This movie stretches it out to a couple of minutes because it knows good and well the audience will let them get away with it.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
SO MUCH EXPOSITION
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
I don’t understand how something like 70% of this movie’s dialogue is explaining things and yet I still feel like they’ve left a bunch of story out.
Drink every time a wall explodes.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
I gotta say the action in this movie is BRUTAL. Every time somebody gets hit or slammed into something I’m wincing.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
oh god orm’s about to start expositing again
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
I may as well say it now so that I can stop thinking about it: I need Willem Dafoe to actually be the Green Goblin and for there to be a crossover.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Drink when a Ponderous Serious Moment is interrupted by a dudebro comment from Momoa.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
+10 points for the Cobra Kai reference.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
This dramatic moment between Vulko and Young Arthur is brought to you by GreenScreen.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Orm has suddenly started channeling Vincent D’Onofrio’s Kingpin performance.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Awww, womp-womp, thye’re engaged.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
GODDAMMIT HE’S EXPOSITING AGAIN JESUS ORM SHUT UP
“You’re bringing the wrath of the seven seas? Cool. Heard of Superman? I’ll bring him."
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
I feel like the whole lava-in-water thing they have going on right now deserves some sort of explanation.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
OCTOPUS DRUMMER REDEEMS EVERYTHING THIS MOVIE IS ABOUT OCTOPUS DRUMMER NOW
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Did they explain the rules when I wasn’t looking? Like, is this to the death or just to when they’ve endangered a certain number of citizens?
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Yeah this is not how lava and water work at all and somehow that’s the place where my suspension of disbelief breaks.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Unrelated: I like Mera’s dress.
Octopus Drummer is the new king of Atlantis.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Another vomit scene. I bet there’s a Vomit Guy in the credits somewhere.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
… I feel like maybe jumping directly to “shoot this ship down in the middle of this obviously major metropolitan area” doesn’t show good restraint on the part of the aquacops.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
EVEN MORE LAVA
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
how did you make an entire movie about aquaman without ever finding out how hydrothermal vents work
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
WAS THAT TWENTY SECONDS OF A RAP VERSION OF AFRICA
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON
HOW DO WE HAVE TIME FOR HOURS OF EXPOSITION BUT
WHAT THE FUCK
THE ENTIRE BAND TOTO JUST DIED SO THEY COULD SPIN IN THEIR GRAVES
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
What was that creepy guy just chewing on just then?
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
wait what
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
1) she just jumped out of a plane
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
2) there is a plane
3) they are in a plane
4) where did the plane come from
5) there is a goat
my god this movie just doesn’t give a shit at all
It’s either genius or the worst thing I’ve ever seen I CAN’T TELL
Oh hey Angry Kanye is back and he’s on the beach for some reason
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
I mean do they have money to pay for plane rides or
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Angry Kanye was just handed unfamiliar technology from an effectively alien civilization that they themselves described as experimental and immediately began taking it apart and there is loud music playing again but I don’t think it’s Toto this time.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
How is Atlantis so amazing-looking and convincing and the scenes where they’re ON EARTH in places that actually exist look like they’ve been greenscreened by high school students using iMovie?
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
wait is the desert kingdom called the deserters
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
how do you say that word
like did they desert atlantis while I was typing or
like they live in the DESERT
Also are we ever gonna find out what that thing around his neck is
Because if they’re the deserters because they deserted but then the place they deserted to turned into a desert I don’t know if I can handle that.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
So they had to go on a quest to find out where they have to go for the quest they have to go on.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
I hope they fight the scorpion king soon.
Good to know that this advanced ancient society made green glass wine bottles exactly like we do.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
HOW DID THEY GET OUT OF THE DESERT
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
They’re eating roses together to semi-romantic music and it’s only like the thirtieth weirdest thing that’s happened in this movie.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Wait why did the little girl just randomly bring the stranger a copy of Pinnochio
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Meanwhile, Orm assassinates a king who only apparently had five guards.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Pretty sure that Aquaman just mispronounced “Agrippa."
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Weird greenscreen again, as the vaguely ungrammatical prophecy comes true.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
OKAY THAT COUNTS AS A WALL BLOWING UP. DRINK.
Again with the cool fight scenes though.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
This town was completely full of people a few minutes ago so it’s good that they all reacted appropriately to a crisis situation and relocated inside.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Oh god they’re actually playing video game music
Oh okay there’s all the people
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Also Jason Momoa just headbutted a bell.
HEADBUTTED A BELL.
I do like the intercutting between Aquaman and Mera’s separate fight scenes. This movie really does do action well.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Defeating her enemies with weaponized wine is the white-womaniest use of magic ever and was also SUPER COOL.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Meanwhile Black Manta hit EVERY FUCKING ROCK on the way down that cliff. Christ.
Aaaaaaand now we’re on a boat. Sure!
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Note that boats are real, and they could have filmed on a real boat, but it’s greenscreenapalooza again.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
UPDATE: It’s definitelyl not “Ahh-gree-paay”.https://t.co/zN35IiXfzQ
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
I want to know more about what they’re doing with Orm’s hair when they don’t want it all flowy. It seems to just disappear into his brain and I want more details.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Orm’s being all Kingpinny again.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Are we seriously going to have a random Deep Ones attack here? We’re doing this? Just for the hell of it?
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
… is this where the wine bottle told them to go? Like, this random spot out in the middle of the ocean?
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
I do not feel like diving back into the ocean will help with HOLY SHIT THAT IS A LOT OF SEA MONSTERS
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
I MEAN IS ORM SERIOUSLY WHAT WE’RE WORRIED ABOUT STILL THERE ARE LIKE FIVE MILLION OF THESE THINGS
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
In the few seconds I looked down to tweet they are now suddenly being attacked by an underwater thunderstorm there is lightning and all the monsters are gone
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
This movie gives NO fucks. None.
Wait okay we’re back on the surface now
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
wait the hidden sea in the earth’s core
okay so Jurassic Park
also hi mom
CALLED IT
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Momoa’s acting has not been much to talk about but he is selling the shit out of this scene and for some reason the weird contact lenses are really helping.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
…is that what he was wearing a few minutes ago? Are there dry Momoa-sized clothes at the Earth’s core?
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Is the Karathen from the comic books? Is there a reason it’s not just the Kraken? C’mon.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
I really want to know more about this sea— which is actually an island, not a sea— at the earth’s core. Legitimately.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
“You can’t face the peril! It’s too perilous!"
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Oh shit is this the Julie Andrews part? THIS IS THE JULIE ANDREWS PART.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
The Karathen is surprised that Aquaman understands it, which is weird considering all the talking to him it’s been doing.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Okay Karathen I know Momoa is gorgeous and I’m totally with you on looking forward to eating him but you are WAY too big for him to count as a feast.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
And of course he took a minute to change into the clothes the corpse had been wearing for ten thousand years. Because DRAMA.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
I love that this big fight between the Atlanteans and the Brine is UTTERLY narratively unnecessary but they’re doing it anyway because cool CGI underwater battle scene.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Also what do you have against hagfish
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
hagfish are cool pic.twitter.com/xVWGQqnBmo
I kinda feel like the Brine king dude should have been speaking some other language.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
And this movie has more inarticulate yelling than any five other movies I’ve seen this year.
Jesus, King Arthur, how many Brine dudes did you just sacrifice for your big entry moment?
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
The captions have just informed me that the noise that frightened sharks make is “yelping."
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
OH LOOK THEY’RE KISSING TO FIREWORKS
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
I know what you’re doing there, movie.
I see you.
“He commands the trench!” the terrified queen yells.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
“Impossible!” the man yells, in the face of five million sea monsters.
And then they eat him.
I do feel like this plan of Arthur’s is killing an awful lot of his people.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Okay now is the part where the Green Goblin shows up, right?
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Orm’s helmet is really cool.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
The helmet game in this movie has been on point.
Time for the spinny move from the flashback!
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
SUPERHERO LANDING!
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
“You’re both my children, and I love you so much! But he came and got me RIGHT AWAY, and you sorta left me in the trench to die."
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Oh I guess the rain stopped
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Damn, Vulko’s a petty bastard.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
I like that everyone is yelling “Hail to the King!” but they’re wearing face masks and not moving at all so we can’t tell who’s yelling it.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
… are the trench beasts still eating everyone, btw? I feel like we should establish that.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
HOW HARD IS IT TO FIND A PIER TO SHOOT A SCENE ON MY GOD PEOPLE
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Does DC do credit stingers?
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
OVERALL GRADE: B+, with lots and lots of extra credit points given for sheer enthusiasm and openly caring not one whit about being a “good movie.”
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
I gained two followers during that mess. I can’t believe I didn’t lose forty.
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Okay guys VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) March 31, 2019
Do I livetweet justice league after all
That took a really long time, so I hope you all enjoyed it.
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Welcome to infinitefreetime dot com 
I am totally in for a live tweet of Justice League. That might actually get me to watch it. That and Jason Mamoa. Because pretty.
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Thank you, now I don’t have to watch! Jk, I will at some point because it sounds fun. Also, I am in for a live tweet of JL if you put it on the blog like this 😁
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I enjoyed the hell out of this. Kinda on par with the movie actually.
I watched this movie for Momoa’s pecs and ended up loving the sass and water magic and PINK PHONE SELFIES and 0.00 fucks given and the world’s cutest parents. And also pecs. 😀 100% concur with your grading.
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This ☝️☝️☝️ I agree 100%!
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Loved the tweets, and loved the hell outta that wonderful mess of a movie! 😀
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[…] doing. They’ve now produced two great movies (Wonder Woman and Shazam!) and one (Aquaman) that … well, wasn’t actually good really but was awfully enthusiastic and fun. Okay, […]
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