Well, that’s new

13-5I did, in fact, manage to make it through my doctor’s visit yesterday without any invasive examinations, which I mostly wasn’t super interested in anyway.  The part of me that was super interested was the bit that writes blog posts, though.

I discovered a new way that the world can degrade me today, though: I needed to visit the doctor mostly because she needed to re-up my refills for my blood pressure medicine, and she insists on twice-yearly checkups for anyone on maintenance meds, which I’m okay with in principle.  The real reason, on my end at least, was that I’ve decided it’s time to start moving toward getting robot parts, and I need referrals for that.  My knees are fucked up, guys, and fucked up in a way that manifests itself by my feet sticking out in directions that feet are not supposed to point while I’m walking.  As you all know, because I gripe about it all the fucking time, I have three eleven-hour shifts a week at my job in addition to the two six-hour shifts, and at the end of those shifts I have to drive home.  By the time I get home, half an hour or so later, my joints have locked themselves up so thoroughly that I can barely walk.  I occasionally wonder whether the neighbor kids have made a sport of being by the windows when I get home from work so that they can watch me hobble down my long-ass driveway to check the mail.  I’m fat, yes, but there are tons of people way fatter than me and my mobility issues are, I think, at the very least at the long end of the tail for people my size.

So, yeah: can I have a referral to an orthopedist, please?  Or whatever a knee doctor is called, because I always feel like the word is the wrong word even if I’ve just looked it up to check?  And most of the time I want the word “osteopath,” but I’m pretty sure osteopathy is voodoo, even if I like to say the word better?

Sure, patient, you can have an orthopedist.  Which one?

(As an aside, the horrified look on both my doctor and the types-rapidly-on-the-laptop person who always seems to come into the room with the doctor nowadays when they really looked at my feet for the first time was hilarious.)

Well, my mom liked this one dude who replaced her knee.  Can I use him?


And then I wait a day, and then the degradation happens.  Get this: I got a call from my doctor’s office today, from the incredibly apologetic person who drew the short stick and had to make this call, and get this: this orthopedist who I specifically requested said that he was not willing to treat me because I’m too fat.  As in, I’m not allowed to even darken his fucking door.  Not “you’ll need to lose weight before we do knee replacement surgery.”  I’m not even at “you need knee replacement surgery” right now despite all the jokes about robot parts.  I want a medical professional to tell me what to do about my knees, and yes, I’m fully expecting to hear “losing weight will help,” and yes, it will, but it will not solve the problem that my feet point the wrong fucking direction, and that’s not because I’m fat, even though the fatness makes the pain and stress on my knees worse.  But maybe I don’t need new knees!  Maybe I can just wear a brace or something!  I don’t know, that’s why I need a doctor!

But no.  He won’t even see me, because my BMI is too high.  What’s my BMI?  I dunno, but it’s apparently over 40, because he flat-out refuses to see any patients with a BMI of 40 or above.  Ever.

So fuck that guy, gimme an appointment with someone who isn’t a dickhead.

(Which, by the way, I just GISed “40 BMI”?  And holy shit I do not look like this:


BMI-Infographic-1Anybody with the profile of the King Kong Bundy-lookin’ motherfucker on the right there has got to be pushing 500 pounds, if not more.  I’m 5’10” and just over 300, which, granted, is probably the heaviest I’ve ever been, but my profile matches the gray one in the middle much more than either of the other two.  Holy shit.)

Anyway, here’s to hoping that my new doctor isn’t an asshole, and can fix my stupid knees and my stupid obtuse-angled feet, and fuck that other guy.

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Luther M. Siler

Teacher, writer of words, and local curmudgeon. Enthusiastically profane. Occasionally hostile.

10 thoughts on “Well, that’s new

  1. Fuck that other guy indeed!!
    The nurse made me get on the scales the other day. She said it’d been 2 years since they’d updated my weight. I obliged because I was curious. I know my mum will be horrified that I’m bigger than the last time she saw me, which was the heaviest she’d seen me, ever, when she arrived in 3 weeks.
    I just used a BMI calculator Google supplied. Apparently my BMI is 45. I don’t look like the red guy either. I’m more the woman version of a cross between the green guy and the grey guy…
    Hope you get an answer for your knee/feet!


    1. My doctors’ office has switched to recording weight in kilograms, which I find personally hilarious because no one knows what they translate to in pounds and so no one freaks out when they see their weight.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. BMI is such a friggin’ inaccurate method of determining “fatness.” I’m 5’5″ and at the moment 244 , thanks to some medications. I’d say I top out around the 4th guy maybe on that picture. Yeah I’m a bit on the fluffy side but that does not prevent me from being normally active. I can see where in select cases it would be advised for patients to lose some weight prior to such a surgery but to categorically refuse all using an inaccurate basically BS model? I’m not sure that’s someone is want touching me anyway. Plus, I’m a retired OR nurse, so I’ve seen the best and the worst of them.


  3. I’m so grateful for the nurse practitioner I regularly see. There have been so many times I’ve said “I know I’m sedentary and overweight, but…” and she assures me that my symptoms still aren’t right, and she can get me help. I think she must screen out the specialists who think like that crap orthopedist, or I’ve been magically lucky so far.


    1. I was pleased to get through the entire doctors’ visit without a lecture about my weight. Yes, I’m fat. I was fat the last time I was here. I’m gonna still be fat the next time. I’m 41 years old and I’ve been fat since I was 8. At this point, it ain’t gonna change.


  4. Probably didn’t want his golden reputation tarnished with the possibility of ‘failure’. I’ve net a few orthopedic surgeons like that in my day.All of them wearing very expensive suits, in very expensive suites of offices, where you could only see them inbetween their golf games. Talk about god complexes!


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