Unless you have spent a lot of time wandering through my archives or you’ve been here since very close to the beginning of the blog, you probably have not seen this post yet.  It’s a shame, because it’s one of my favorites; go take a look if you like.   And while you’re reading, note the part about the milkweed.

The fucking milkweed still isn’t dead.

However.

It’s gorgeous out tonight; it was crazy-humid all day but it’s cooled into a perfect evening.  The boy wanted to play outside so I went out with him and my wife and randomly decided it was time to mow.  This makes today the first day of summer, by the way; not only did I mow the front lawn for the first time in 2014 but I dodged the first couple dozen Deathwishes of the summer.

(There are ten thousand toads living in my yard.  They are all named Deathwish on account of their constant insistence on hopping underneath my mower.  I used to be careful about nudging them out of the way or mowing around them and then I realized that in three years of mowing I have never once managed to accidentally murder a toad with my lawnmower, which means that they can burrow or hang on or something like that, so I don’t bother dodging them any more.)

Anyway, yeah, I mowed.  And I did something else tonight: I took another step toward unwelcome adulthood and spent good money on my lawn.  It’s official; my lawn-zany neighbor has won.  We hired Trugreen tonight.  I was already strangely excited about it, which hurts me in my soul.  But I am sick of hating my lawn and supposedly they help with that sort of thing.

Then I mentioned the milkweed.  And the salesman dude (Oh.  There was a salesman dude.  He came by yesterday while the boy was taking his bath and came back again tonight at my request while I was mowing.)  told me that they have some sort of liquid death that they will put on the milkweed and the milkweed will die in horrible pain.  As will all living things under the circle they put the stuff on, straight down to the center of the earth.

Which is worth the summer’s $277 fee all the fuck by itself.

I am sooooo looking forward to this.