In which I am a dummy dumb-dumb dummyfacehead

You are looking at the interior of the cabinet under the sink in the master bathroom. Ignore the terrible wallpaper in the back; it’s not my fault, I didn’t put it there. There’s probably four more layers underneath it, too.

Several months ago– I don’t know how many; it could have been a year for all the fuck I know– Sushi climbed under there and somehow managed to collapse that shelf. It has been collapsed and lying at an angle for a very, very long time, and it has annoyed me every single fucking time I have looked at it during that time. Now, granted, this isn’t terribly often, as I don’t need to open the cabinet very frequently, but there’s some shit we’ve just been keeping on top of the vanity for all this time because the shelf was collapsed.

Why haven’t I fixed it? Laziness, and the fact that I am old and fat and absolutely loathe having to sit on the floor. But I have resolved for every single fucking weekend for months to get down there, figure out what was broken, replace it, and get that Goddamn shelf fixed. I figured I might have to find some pegs she knocked loose and put them back in place; the worst-case scenario was that one of them was actually broken and I’d have to make a quick run to the hardware store to buy a dowel or something. But I didn’t want to crawl around on the floor, didn’t want to dig around in that cabinet– it’s deep; I can’t reach the back of it without sticking my head inside– and I am, again, incredibly lazy.

I finally, tonight, managed to get my fat ass on the ground in front of it, OutKast playing on my phone, convinced that come hell and high water I was going to fix this fucking shelf.

Which involved picking it up and placing it on top of that dark brown support on the right there, which is screwed into the wall. The two pieces of perpendicular white wood are glued & screwed and aren’t coming apart.

It took ten seconds.

It took longer for me to stand up once I was done than it did to fix the fucking shelf.

No pegs. No bent nails or screws. Not even anything with any weight or requiring any real application of muscle power. I just picked the fucking thing up and put it back on the shelf. I mean, it might fall off again at some point, especially if a cat decides to wedge herself into that corner again. I could screw it in place, I suppose. But I’ve been putting this job off for months and it took ten seconds.


TERRIBLE DECISIONS: The backonthehorsening

If you’ve been reading this blog for way too long, you may remember the Terrible Decisions series, in which my wife and I decided to redo our bathroom.  That process led to a (if I don’t mind saying so) good job re-tiling our shower, and then… stalled.

She has the week off. We are unstalling.

Hello, over-the-toilet shelf!FullSizeRender

Goodbye, over-the-toilet shelf!IMG_2751

Hello, floor trim tile!IMG_2753

Goodbye, floor trim tile!IMG_2754

Hello, toilet!IMG_2755

Goodbye, toilet!  Hello, wax ring!IMG_2756

Goodbye, wax ring!  Now, the raggedy hole in the wall there is the reason this entire nightmare project got started in the first place: we had a leak behind the tile, and the water was running down the side of the tub and basically turned that corner of the drywall into mud.  (I just spent ten minutes looking; I posted a picture of it at one point but hell if I can find it.)

That one simple thing– ripping that piece out– turned into a full-bathroom renovation.  Which we WILL FINISH this week because if we don’t we only have one toilet and I will not live in a house with one toilet.  At any rate:  I cut out the diseased part of the wall, carefully avoiding cutting a hole in the stack and thus necessitating what would probably be thousands of dollars in repair costs.

Yes, I know this is cement board, not drywall, and you’re not supposed to use cement board in place of drywall.  However!  It’s also in the same spot as the bad part of the wall.  If we end up with the same leaking problem in the future, I want it leaking into cement board, which is going to be RedGarded and thus a lot more waterproof.  This part of the wall will be behind the toilet anyway and so the minor difference in texture shouldn’t be too noticeable.


Next step:  Get rid of the rest of this goddamned wallpaper.  Which I expect to take the rest of the damn afternoon.  If not my entire life.IMG_2761

It’s gonna be one of those days…


An I Hate Technology day, to be specific, because I’ve been at OtherJob trying to get my school stuff out of the way for Winter Break, and in an hour of trying this sentence is the first thing I’ve accomplished, because every piece of technology I own is falling apart on me all at once.  The phone can’t grab a signal to save its life, the laptop won’t load anything, and the iPad is being a bitch about pairing with my keyboard.  I have a lot of school stuff to do today– my plan is to have nothing work-related hanging over my head for the rest of my break so I can focus on the bathroom and, well, lazing around, and that’s not going to work if my entire kit betrays me at once.  In particular the laptop, which I think I’ve got behaving again– it hasn’t deleted this yet, for instance– has me alarmed, as it’s about four years old by now and starting to show its age.  In the strictest sense of the word, I can afford to go buy a new laptop this afternoon, but I made it a line item in the grant and I’m really hoping that I can keep it going until spring and then find out somebody else is gonna buy one for me.  We’ll see.

Ignore the condition of my bathtub– that’s a consequence of the filter I chose; while I’m not going to pretend my tub is pristine it certainly doesn’t actually look that bad– and take a look at that wall.  That’s maybe 40 minutes of work yesterday evening, which means that if I put a couple of hours into it tonight stripping the wallpaper from the two walls that need it done right away is going to be a much, much easier project than I had anticipated.  I basically just ran a scoring tool over the wall a bunch of times and then applied hot water– from the teapot on my stove into a Febreze bottle and then poured over a rag.  I had initially had the idea that I’d use the Febreze bottle and just spray the hot water directly into the wall; it turns out that aerosolizing even very hot water that way cools it off instantly.  I can literally spray water from a plastic bottle that is too hot to hold directly onto my arm and it feels cold, so using a rag was the only way to do it.  The wall still feels a little rough to the touch but it looks great; I figure a little cleaning and it’ll feel fine too.

This is good; I needed the first project to go well, even if it was a simple one.  The next step is to knock out the bulkhead and install the new shower fan, which is not going to be simple.  Hoping to get started with that on Sunday and Monday; I’ll keep you updated on the disaster.  Whee!

The first of many oversights

wallpaper8Friday.  Alhamdollilah.

There’s apparently a sumbitch of a storm headed our way but I can’t get enough of a handle on it to determine how much bad weather we’re actually supposed to catch– while I’m usually not the type to get all yaah blaaah weather forecasters, dude, it really seems like this time none of my usual sources have any kind of common theory on how much snow my area is supposed to get; estimates range from one inch (effectively, none) to over a foot, which would mean that I wouldn’t have to go to OtherJob tomorrow.   And since I’ve spent most of this week avoiding work in general, another day where I didn’t have to do anything would be nice.

(Racks brain for a couple of minutes; comes up with zero entertaining anecdotes)

Oh, here’s a thing:  It took me way too long to realize this, but one important thing I left out of the big Terrible Decisions update last week?  Wallpaper.  There’s fuckin’ wallpaper everywhere in my bathroom, and that’s gotta come off, and by my reckoning that’s gotta come off first, before literally any other work of any kind happens.  So… this week, and starting this weekend, because I want that done before my two-week at-least-get-the-tub-done clock starts ticking over winter break.

At least it’s a really small bathroom.

I know nothing about wallpaper removal except that it is said to be terribly annoying.  As I firmly believe every single thing having anything to do with home improvement to be terribly annoying, I have no trouble whatsoever believing this.  So you’ve got that to look forward to this week, along with maybe a couple of 2013-listy sorts of things.

Just, uh, nothing interesting today.  That’s okay, right?  Please say you still love me.


EDIT:  Just checked.  Traditional wallpaper.  Just… kill me.