Deviled eggs should be breakfast every day

And today, they were.

First, this, and lemme make sure it’s clear: I did not write it. But it’s right enough and well-written enough that I feel stupid rewriting what are basically the exact same sentiments only with less poetry and more swearing. There will be an actual post from me a bit later, I think– possibly with swearing and definitely without poetic language– but first check Bax out:

Thanksgiving is one of those crossroads in my brain.

One path leads here:

The other is exemplified by my niece, the Fiend, who as a child loved the holiday so much the following week was spent wishing everyone who got near her “HAPPY NANXGIVING!” and asking why we couldn’t have it every day.

It seems an appropriate holiday for America, celebrating the right of bigger, stronger, better armed folk to get away with whatever the hell they please, reaping a gluttonous bounty and then making up a self-serving story about it. It’s the time when wealthy famous people who spend the rest of their year ardently avoiding taxes hit the soup kitchens for a photo op demonstrating their filial love for the unfortunates.

Then, it’s also my niece, burning with the uncomplicated ecstasy of family in the midst of bounty, a day off to spend together with nothing more on the agenda than cooking and eating and love. Whatever its foundation, it’s evolved. As someone with a dire childhood can become a fine (if complicated) adult, Thanksgiving can be its own thing apart from the beautifully embroidered myth draped over all the skeletons.

Avoiding disaster requires acknowledging the skeletons, inviting the shadow to the feast lest it lash out like the witch at Sleeping Beauty’s christening. The bounty isn’t just the time with loved ones or the table groaning beneath the feast, the bounty is everything which was taken from someone else to make it possible.

As a nation we love the simple and obvious, we’re fond of leaving well enough alone, we mistrust turning over stones and investigating basements. And then we wonder at the shambling, dragging footsteps on the front porch, the eerie scratching at the door, and crank up the teevee to drown it out.

Me, I’ll be thanking the native Americans who we jacked for the land, and the Africans who we enslaved to spruce the joint up, and people being forced to work at big chain stores who spout NEIGHBORHOOD and FAMILY while exploiting their workers, and those homeless people hopefully getting a full meal for once, and my family, and the turkey, and everything else.

It isn’t simple, and I’m cool with that.

It begins

The good news:  It is 9:34 AM on Thanksgiving morning, and I am awake, dressed, showered, breakfasted, and ready to regulate.  One of my oldest friends is already here and we have six more people coming over later today.

The bad news:  my lovely wife, who is lovely and I love dearly, has only just now discovered that our roasting pan is insufficient for our turkey-roasting needs.  So I have to go get one.  And salt.

We somehow do not have salt.

I had the idea at one point that I was going to try to not spend money this weekend; I may as well go wait in line and buy a PS4 tonight.  Because this will not be the only thing.

Enjoy your holiday, y’all.  🙂

In which rage-eating is a thing

I had a gallbladder attack several years ago; it is an odd feeling to be able to pinpoint precisely the worst pain you’ve ever felt in your entire life. I did not behave well in front of the nurse; when asked to rank my pain from one to ten my response was something along the lines of “I’m at the emergency room for a stomachache, what the hell do you think?”

There may have been more swearing than that; my memory of the event is rather hazy. Because of the extreme pain, you see.

My gallbladder was no longer strictly “my” gallbladder anymore a couple of weeks later (I lost seventeen pounds during the weekend hospital stay, too) and since then I’ve been kinda weird about food. I don’t remember being a hunger asshole in my previous, gallbladdered life, but I do this weird thing now where I go from not hungry at all to HOLY FUCK GOD ALL OF YOU CAN DIE IF YOU DON’T PUT FOOD IN ME RIGHT NOW in no goddamn time at all and I develop rapid rage issues and shakiness if I continue to be denied food. The worst part is that the instinct to gorge myself continues even after I’ve technically eaten enough to satiate myself, because the shit hasn’t had time to get into my bloodstream yet.

This is all just to say that I am typing right now because it was the easiest available way to keep me from shoving an entire bag of Tostitos and salso con queso into my facehole. It occupies my hands while my dinner and my post-dinner chips and like three glasses of orange juice make their way into my system.

(For those of you who may be wondering: no, I’m not diabetic, and last I had it checked my blood sugar was normal. I’m fat, and I’m ungallbladdered, and this started immediately after the surgery. It’s not diabeetus.)

Speaking of food: it’s Thanksgiving weekend, obviously, so if you promise not to cry if I’m less robust with the updates than usual I promise to try my best not to cry when all of you find more important things to do than visit my blog ceaselessly over the weekend. Although it would be nice if you did that; it’s certainly better than shopping, even if I do kinda want to go to the local Gamespot at midnight tomorrow night. Which I am not doing. Because no. I’m actually cooking very little for Thanksgiving itself; I plan on making up for that with the next couple of days. My main goals are to get my comic books organized (four piles: Send to Friend A, Send to Friend B, Keep, and Sell to Dude from the Comic Book Post if He Still Wants Them) and to play computer games and to read. And to not think of my students at all for most of the weekend. It should be an attainable goal; we’ll see.

Enjoy your holiday, if I don’t see you before then. (VISIT MY BLOG CEASELESSLY, I ORDER YOU!)

In which alcohol shouldn’t come in plastic bottles

Thanksgiving I is today; Thanksgiving II will be happening on the traditional date.  To that end, now that I’ve got all my school stuff done (well, most of it; look at the list the other day if you’re curious) it’s time to spend the rest of the boy’s nap frantically cooking things that we’re supposed to bring with us to my brother’s place.

Maybe I’ll post a picture of the cranberry sauce, since whipped cauliflower really isn’t going to look like much of anything.  It’s gonna have bourbon in it!  I don’t actually drink alcohol so this ought to be interesting.

There may be a better post tonight; there are a couple of things percolating.  Otherwise, enjoy the rest of your weekend.