You remember when your grandpa used to call movies that? And it was a weirdly redundant phrase, but also oddly comforting? I miss pitcher shows.
Anyway. You’ve seen this already:
I had a few things to say about the first trailer, both right after I saw it and after I had some time to think about it. My main concern, right now, is that the movie’s going to end up being a bit too scary to take my four-year-old to, and taking Kenny to see this movie is literally the main reason I want to see it. That image yesterday wasn’t a joke. Now, most of the scary scenes seem to be confined to John Boyega’s Finn character, so I’m hoping that it’s just a few bits from early in the movie. But look at this:
The bloody handprint– or at least what looks like one– on his helmet has me a bit nervous. This is a series that managed to burn three characters to a crisp and cut off multiple limbs without getting bloody. I’m not making doom and gloom proclamations, mind you– it just makes me a teeny bit less likely to take my son to see it. It’s not going to affect whether I do.
(Note: I don’t know whether Finn is in costume for these bits or if he’s actually a Stormtrooper. I kinda like the idea of a main character being a former Stormtrooper.)
On the good side, and this isn’t in the trailer, there’s this:
This is the hilt of Kylo Ren’s cross-guarded lightsaber, which caused so much kvetching when the first trailer came out. I was not happy with the new look for the lightsaber blade (not the crossguards, the blade itself) and said that I’d drop my objection if there seemed to be a story-based reason why the blade looked different.
That saber hilt looks like it was put together by an amateur. And I note that Kylo Ren’s name does not include the word Darth. Therefore: objection dropped.
Everything else about the trailer? Gold. I’m not super keen on the idea of the Empire and the Rebellion being renamed the First Order and the Resistance, but I’ll roll with that for the time being and it’s not in the trailer anyway. But yeah, I’m a lot more psyched about this film now than I was for the first teaser.
On the other hand…
One of these days they’ll make a new Superman movie. Hell, one of these days they’ll make a Batman movie; they haven’t made one of those in like two decades or something. Make all the movies you want about Angsty Alien No Moral Core Raised by Assholes Dude and Snarling Ninja Bat-Costume Dude, but stop calling those two “Superman” and “Batman.” Wild fucking dogs couldn’t drag me to see this shit.
(“But, Luther, you were down on the new Star Wars before the second trailer came out, and you seem to have changed your mind! What makes these different?”)
The entirety of the Nolan Batman films and the horrid piece of shit that was Man of Steel. Ain’t nothing gonna change in this one.
(“How dare you judge an entire movie on a two-minute trailer!”)
Can we change the subject for a sec and talk about how fucking stupid this is as a line of argument? Trailers literally only exist to make people want to see things. They exist to make people judge movies. They’re put together by the same people who put the movies together. It’s bullshit to say that you can watch a trailer and go “I want to see that!” but it’s somehow illegitimate to see a trailer and (backed up by the last four entire movies by these idiots) claim that you think it looks like a piece of shit. And this movie looks like a piece of shit, and is a sequel to a movie that was a piece of shit, and there is no indication that anything has changed.
(“But what about Aquaman? And Wonder Woman?”)
Okay, Aquaman looks awfully cool and fuckit I’ll be honest by awfully cool I mean amazingly hot:
That said? This whole design is more of the what am colors? nonsense that both of these franchises are draped in, and frankly the inclusion of the characters just makes me think the movie is gonna be unwieldy and overstuffed in addition to depressing and stupid. Be honest: would you really know this was supposed to be Wonder Woman if no one told you in advance?:
Totally something I wanna spend ten bucks on.
(EDIT: Just saw this. How infinitely better is this? Way infinitely better.)