On giving up

My kids took the NWEA this week, which ate up my Tuesday and Wednesday, and will knock another couple of kids out of class on Monday while they finish up. I would, in general, prefer not to have to worry about standardized tests, but as such things go the NWEA isn’t bad. It hits most of my checkboxes for what I want for these things: first, it’s a growth test, meaning that it’s keyed to individual students and it’s possible for a very low student to demonstrate a lot of growth and have that treated as a positive thing even though they don’t do objectively as good as a more advanced student who stayed the same. Second, there’s no notion of passing the test. Their score is keyed to grade levels, yes, but there’s no cutscore where a student is arbitrarily determined to have “passed” or “failed” regardless of their grade. And while we administer it three times a year, any given administration doesn’t take very long– I was able to get most of my kids tested in a single block, and two blocks got basically everyone who was present to take the test in the first place done. That’s not that bad. Realistically, we’ll lose more days this year to me being sick or absent for training than we will to the NWEA.

The median percentile score (also: percentile scores are more useful than arbitrary scores, although the NWEA generates both) of my three groups, nationwide, was 19, 16, and 13. Meaning, in case you haven’t studied measures of central tendency recently, that if 100 randomly-chosen kids took the test, 81 of those kids would outscore half of the students in my first block, 84 would outscore half of my kids in 2nd block, and 87 would outscore half of my kids in 3rd block.

Eight of my students are in the 1st or 2nd percentile, meaning that 99 or 98 of those randomly-chosen kids would outscore them.

Let us, for the moment, simply postulate that there are a number of possible reasons for these scores including but not limited to that a large percentage of them effectively took 1/4 of 6th grade and all of 7th grade off and then lay that aside. I’m not especially concerned with why for the purpose of this post.

We are supposed to discuss these results with our kids, which for the record is something I support. If we don’t talk about how they did, the test becomes meaningless to them, and there is absolutely nothing that is more of a waste of time than a standardized test that a student isn’t taking seriously. So it’s useful to let them know how they did, what it means for them, and what they might want to do to improve.

Where I am struggling right now, though, is this, and forgive me for another post whose point gets boiled down to a single sentence after five paragraphs of lead-in:

I do not know how to tell a fourteen-year-old kid “99 out of every 100 people who took this did better than you” in a way that does not sound functionally identical to “You should give up.”

I can couch it as as much of a pep talk as I want, and I already know that at least one of those eight kids is going to work her ass off for me this year because that’s who she is, and if I have her at a third- or fourth-grade understanding of math by the end of the year it will be a triumph. And unlike many years, I think all of these eight kids are at least potentially reachable still. There have definitely been years where I had a kid at 1% who I was privately convinced was going to stay at 1% out of sheer spite for the rest of the year, and these aren’t those kids.

Similarly, it is difficult to communicate those median percentile scores to a classroom of kids without a number of them concluding that they’re just dumb and should give up. When the highest-scoring kids in the room aren’t past the 60th percentile (which is the case) they all need extra help, and I can’t provide “extra” help to 27 kids at once. One of my classes can barely get through a basic lesson right now because of the number of behavior issues I have. And that’s before I have to give them information that demoralizes the hell out of them for what are, unfortunately, entirely reasonable reasons. In most circumstances, if 99 out of 100 people are better than you at something, you are probably going to stop doing that thing! So what the hell am I going to do in a situation where not only are 99 out of 100 people doing better than my kids in math, but many of them don’t even want to be good at it? Remediating this would be a Herculean effort from someone fully invested in improving. And right now I just don’t know how the hell to ask for that kind of effort (and expect to actually get it) from people who, to be charitable about it, don’t have academic success as a high personal priority right now.

Sigh.

In which I suck

Gorilla-hungover_1370932iNo, seriously.  I am absolutely terrible at being alive.  And I’m ready for summer to be over.  This notion that two months more-or-less-off in the summer is a “perk” for teachers makes me insane, people.  If I don’t have a schedule to follow of some sort I degenerate into a fat, unwashed mess of unmotivated sludge so fast that it’s astonishing.  Right now?  I got home from work thirteen hours ago and I’m already so bored I want to die.  Most of that time was spent asleep.

There has been more than one point in my life where I was working three jobs, and for my working life I’m pretty sure there has been more time where I’ve had multiple jobs than when I haven’t.  So summertime, where I not only have only one job but that job isn’t even full-time, is torture.  I have been awake for four hours and these few, crappy little sentences are all that I’ve done.  Wait, no– I dragged myself into the kitchen twice, once to eat two granola bars and let the dogs out, and a second time to eat a microwave pizza and let the dogs out again.  I’ve technically eaten two meals and I haven’t showered yet.

I have about a month left until I can start spending ten hours a day in my classroom and griping about that.  I seriously don’t know if I can keep my shit together until then.  Also it is a hundred thousand degrees outside and fuck that.  It was so humid yesterday afternoon that I could drink the air.  It’s not that bad just yet but it’s supposed to be again later.

Arrrrrrrrgh.


Twice this week I’ve run into people in public who I used to be really close to but haven’t seen in fifteen to twenty years.  In both cases it’s led to half an hour or so of relatively pleasant conversation (“relatively” because one of them started off with me saying “what the hell are you doing here?” before I realized how rude that sounded and the other because it started with an accusation of Unfriending on Facebook, which, while it was almost certainly true, I didn’t remember doing it and therefore couldn’t defend myself adequately; plus, as everyone who is in regular touch with me knows, I’m not normal about Facebook; in both cases the conversation started with me way off-balance) but I’m seriously wondering when the hell the almost-inevitable third shoe is going to drop.  I spent some time last night going over everyone I’ve ever known in my head and trying to figure out who has the most reason to be pissed off at me and now I’m thinking about doing some cyberstalking to figure out if those people live anywhere near me.  Of course, that won’t be terribly helpful– one of the two lives in bloody Norway and still managed to run into me in a bookstore in Indiana, which is a pretty fuckin’ impressive feat.

I should take a shower, shouldn’t I?