In which I approach milestones

This is my 2996th post, and I am just over 1500 words away from writing my millionth word on this blog. I’ve been keeping track pretty carefully over the last several weeks because I want them both to happen on the same post.

…I, uh, probably ought to start figuring out what I’m doing with that post, shouldn’t I? ūüôā

The cat remains unnamed; current frontrunners include Gordon, Hup, Tyrion, Hodor, and I just suggested Hercules. I don’t understand why this is so difficult.

A random Sunday blogwanking note

I’m currently closing in on my millionth word written on this blog and my three thousandth post. I should find a way to finagle it so that they both happen on the same day.

… and then absolutely nothing will happen, except that I’ll have managed a weird nerd double-goal, but hey, it’ll feel cool to me.

In which the Great Old One emerges

IMG_7694It looks like it took the cat just over six weeks to realize that the dog is¬†really, truly dead and is not hiding somewhere in the house waiting for her to lower her guard. ¬†The dog, mind you, never gave a damn whether the cat existed or¬†not, and they’ve lived together for¬†over ten years regardless, a length of time that you would¬†think might convince the cat that the dog was, if not a friend, at least something not to be constantly feared.

BUT! ¬†Witness, my friends, as my 20-year-old asshole cat Mizu takes the Sam Gamgee-esque single step that places her as far as she’s ever deliberately been from our bedroom, which you would be able to almost¬†see the door of were hte picture at a slightly different angle. ¬†We have been living in this house for seven years. ¬†See that one paw on the grey flooring in our dining room? ¬†it is literally the¬†first time she has ever set foot in that room. ¬†In seven years. ¬†Not once. ¬†A moment later, she went into the family room, which is to the left. ¬†She’d never been in there either.

Five or six years from now, when my son is in middle school, she might allow him to pet her.

In which we’re official-official

thumbsupI am pleased to announce that I made it through yesterday without bloodshed or threat of jail. ¬†The day wasn’t entirely without aggravation, as the muckety-mucks didn’t show up until about three hours after we were expecting them, leading to lots of sitting around and occasionally bellyaching about how¬†Jesus, I just cannot clean anything else, enough of this nonsense. ¬†When they finally did arrive, though, it was with basically nothing but praise for how the store looked, and my regional manager actually pulled me aside and said that he knew good and damn well just how much of the look of the place was due to my efforts. ¬†It is entirely possible that this was¬†just a little of him knowing I was pissed and blowing a bit of smoke up my ass, but dammit by that point I¬†deserved some ass-smoke and I’m glad he took the time to do it. ¬†There was one genuinely entertaining moment (at least for me) when two people who were with the group but hadn’t shown up with them at first got to the store, and what with everything else going on I didn’t notice them right away, and by the time I did notice them¬†the¬†national sales director¬†was on his way over to them and saying hello.

Greeting guests right away is¬†kind of a big deal in this business, as you can imagine, so that caused a bit of a heart attack. ¬†I mean, yeah, I’ve got a foot out the door and all that, and this ultimately isn’t a big deal, but I still really don’t like looking like an asshole, and one of these guys deciding he needs to greet a guest¬†for us is still kinda not good.

Anyway, long story short, I realized that they weren’t guests at the same time that¬†they realized I thought they¬†were guests, and at the very same time they realized what I must be thinking, and everybody had a big slightly embarrassed laugh about it. ¬†And eventually I went the hell home where I belonged.

You’re probably thinking right now that the headline on the post doesn’t make a ton of sense. ¬†True. ¬†The¬†other thing that happened yesterday is that I got a notification from NewJob that I have¬†finally been approved by everyone who needs to approve me– and some of these folks¬†must have been on vacation for the last few weeks– and I am real and I have a salary and everything, and while the number next to the salary isn’t¬†surprising, it is definitely¬†very pleasant.

Actually, that’s not quite true– I’m surprised that it’s the right number, if we’re being honest. ¬†I was fully expecting to have to fight with somebody or at¬†least send a pointed email to get someone to put my salary back to wherever it was when I left last time. ¬†And I didn’t! ¬†So contracts are signed and everything. ¬†I think, ridiculously, the¬†school board still has to sign off on me, but that’s a formality. ¬†It’s “Hey, here’s this list, we cool?” and ¬†they don’t read the list and go “Yeah, we cool,” and it’s done.

So.  This is happening.

Ten shifts left, guys. ¬†I’m gonna play¬†Bloodborne and finish a short story today and tomorrow, I think. ¬†Let’s do this.


‚ÄúThe Answer to the Great Question… Of Life, the Universe and Everything… Is… Forty-two,” said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty and calm.

…and if there’s a better way to describe me, on this, the first day of my 42nd year alive on this earth, than “infinite majesty and calm,” I want it caught and shot now.

I feel like as a lifelong devotee of the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy I should be greeting this year with a certain amount of fear and trembling, or at least enthusiastic anticipation. ¬†42 needs to be big, right? ¬†But my plans for today amount to sitting around and¬†maybe watching¬†The Last Jedi on Netflix. ¬†I don’t even think we’re going out for dinner tonight. ¬†So … not so much. ¬†I’ll probably do something awesome eventually, though. ¬†We’ll see.

In the meantime, I haven’t sold a book on Amazon in a minute, so if you were interested in buying an inexpensive-yet-entertaining ebook or perhaps contributing to my Patreon, it would be much appreciated. ¬†Whatever you end up contributing will be worth it, I promise. ¬†Or, if you’ve read my books,¬†reviews are the greatest thing ever. ¬†Please?