So, Knighthawk Armory, an organization I’d never heard of prior to today, just posted some fucking amazing pictures to their Facebook page. I’ll show you two of them; click through for the others. They made a Hulk out of scrap metal:
(CORRECTION: They didn’t do it, they just reposted the pictures. Actual artists are Old Steel Art out of Thailand, whose page is mostly not in English but whose pictures are amazing anyway.)
Here’s the fifth comment on the post:
There are some dumb, dumb, dumb motherfuckers in this country, people. Christ.
There’s a weird kind of freedom in today and tomorrow’s posts, because judging from the traffic yesterday and what I’ve gotten so far today, I can say with a fairly high degree of certainty that absolutely no one is going to read anything I write for the next two days. So: nerd post. Huge nerd post. Unforgivable nerd post.
Let’s talk about what would happen if Hulk fought Superman.
Yes, that’s really what I’m writing about. Feel free to tune out right now. Or not, because you need to watch these first. I just discovered these videos yesterday, since the most recent bit has just been released, but an animator by the name of Mike Habjan has apparently spent a good chunk of the last three years of his life putting these little CGI videos together. Part one, I’ll admit, is not going to blow you away. The next three, though? They become progressively more and more awesome each time.
So, watch some videos and then I’m going to geek out:
Literally my only gripe is that Superman isn’t bleeding after the ass-kicking he gets in Part 3. It’s obvious that he’s in a hell of a lot of pain but there ought to be some visible wounds– although maybe that’s too much modification to the model or something; I don’t know– it still looks fantastic. What’s awesome about these fights is that they go exactly how you’d think they might– Superman uses his heat vision and speed a lot, and Hulk just sort of sits back and waits for Superman to screw up enough for Hulk to grab him, which results in the tremendous ass-kicking that Superman catches at the beginning of Part 3. Superman, it should be noted, isn’t going to be terribly used to getting hurt— he’s got one, maybe two other villains who can challenge him on the level that Hulk does. Hulk, on the other hand, you can hurt– it just doesn’t matter, because it’s going to heal anyway and because being hurt just makes him angrier, and that’s always a bad idea.
There’s two ways for Superman to win this fight, at this point, since “End it as quickly as humanly possible” is no longer an option: 1) Get Hulk out into orbit, where the sun’s rays are rejuvenating Superman constantly and Hulk doesn’t have any leverage to counteract Superman’s speed and eventually strand him on the moon or toss him into the Sun or something; and 2) play possum, and just hope he can survive the beating until Hulk loses interest. Note that if you survive a fight with the Hulk? You won.
The longer it goes on punch-for-punch, the angrier Hulk gets, and the more impossible it becomes for Superman to win the fight. You cannot outlast the Hulk. Superman’s reserves aren’t literally unlimited the way Hulk’s are.
Actually, one more gripe, but I’ve had this gripe with every incarnation of the Hulk ever because it may actually just be my idea– I’ve always thought that if we’re going to stick with this angry = strong idea for the Hulk, he should get bigger as he gets angrier. His size has always been inconsistent; let’s actually use that.