And another one gone

That’s twenty-two years, I think? Twenty-three? Who the hell knows.

One of the things that happened at the event we went to last night was recognition of three retiring faculty members, and in fact there was a reception immediately afterward for them that we did not attend. The three had been teaching for, respectively, 29 years, 36 years, and a staggering 42 years, all at the same school.

If I retire from teaching, rather than eventually just quitting, I’ll surely be at at least 29 years. 36 is quite a bit harder to imagine. But 42? Imagine having taught for 22 years and still having the equivalent of an entire career to go before retirement. She was where I am and was barely halfway through. The notion that I’ll still be alive in 2046 much less still teaching is genuinely too terrifying to take seriously.

It turns out I was being very optimistic by suggesting that I might be able to come home from the last day of school and still have the mental capacity necessary to write a book review. Further complicating the problem is that various parts of my personality are at war with various other parts of my personality over how to write it, and the whole thing still needs to cook a little bit longer. It’s already got the lowest rating I’ve ever given a book I was sent for review; the question remaining is how … I dunno, I wanna say honest, but I think I mean abusive, I should be in the actual text of the thing. I am trying to tamp down my inner barbarian here, is what I’m saying. The only question is whether that’s the right move.

Probably. But we’ll see. The review definitely won’t be tomorrow but I’ll try to have it up on Saturday.

In which honesty sucks

tumblr_inline_n80cznILv61r0li94I took a personal day from work today, because I’ve let a few important tasks build up on me that were really only going to get accomplished if I had the house to myself.  One of them was to get my “First Narrative Report” completed for the grant I got over the summer.  Basically, the subject is How did you spend our money, and how has it affected your teaching, only tell us in words, we’ll worry about the budget spreadsheet later.

You may see the problem.  I’m, uh, not teaching this year.  I had two options with this document.  Well, three, really, but “lie through my teeth” was not really going to be something that was going to happen.  I could either cleverly hide the fact that I wasn’t in the classroom, mostly through ambiguous and/or slightly misleading yet technically accurate phrasing and some strategic omissions, or I could be honest about it.

Here’s the thing: as part of the conditions for my grant– as part of the application, in fact– I had to include a statement that I “intended” to teach in Indiana during the 2014-15 school year.  And it is a fact that I did.  I spent the entire summer job-hunting, in fact, and never once applied for a non-teaching position.  Even with the position I ended up in, I had originally intended and interviewed for a fifth grade math and science position.  The current job was my boss’s idea, and he brought up the idea of me taking it before I even knew it existed.  And I’m still working with kids at least a little bit every now and again (well, ok, I plan on a writing club sometime next semester) and the job has a one-year expiration date on it anyway.

I owned up.  I have a deep paranoia that they’re going to try and get on me to give the grant back; I have a number of strategies in mind (namely, the fact that I was being honest when I applied and I’m telling the exact and literal truth about how I got this job) if they do, but it’s a fight I’d prefer not to have.  Thing is, if you Google my real name, you’re gonna find me at my current position.  I’m starting off on the wrong foot if I try to obfuscate what I’m actually doing, because I’m an internet search away from getting caught.  The fact that I might not get caught probably shouldn’t affect the massively improved rhetorical position that I’m in if I just cut the knot at the beginning.

Ugh.  We’ll see what happens.

The other thing I was supposed to be working on today was finalizing the draft of Skylights so that it can actually be available on its release date.  That would probably be nice, right?  But I spent so long screwing around with the statement that I never got around to working on it today.  I’m going back and forth to Indianapolis tomorrow and I’m not the driver, so I’m hoping I can fiddle on the trip, and even if I don’t, I’m a monster when I’m under a deadline, so it’ll get done– I’d just prefer to be farther ahead than I am right now.  Beating a 400-page manuscript into shape for Smashwords is annoying, guys, to say nothing of making sure it’s internally consistent and, y’know, good.

Gonna be a busy weekend.