The gift that keeps on giving

how-get-rid-cold-flu
WHO THE HELL EATS ORANGES LIKE THIS?

One of the lesser benefits of not being a classroom teacher any longer is that I’ve gone from missing at least a day a month due to illness to almost never getting sick.  In fact, other than an occasional one-day thing, I can’t remember the last time I was genuinely ill, and I’ve never taken a sick day at my current job.  Not once.

I have a motherfucker of a summer cold right now, is what I’m saying.  I spent most of last night too tired to get out of bed and take some medicine but also almost entirely unable to breathe, sniffled and sneezed my way through work all day,  got home from work and took some cold medicine and went directly to my son’s parent-teacher night.  I may have been hallucinating for part of it.  I’m pretty sure I picked up the boy from my parents’ place afterwards because I think I’m at home and he’s sitting over there, but hell if I remember it.

All that said:  I will announce a release date for Tales from the Benevolence Archives on Friday if it kills me.  That’s it.  No more fucking around.  It’s coming.

Assuming I don’t die.

Fuck chemistry

nerve-cell-pulseIt’s been a Lexapro weekend.  As in I probably ought to be back on it.  This weekend (well, “weekend”) has been an utter shitshow; I’ve alternated useless-and-exhausted with unfocused, pointless rage for much of he last two days.  I just now managed to put away about two weeks worth of clothes and other than feeding the dog today that counts as the one thing I’ve managed to do that was good for anybody other than me.  And it only barely counts because I know my wife is tired of looking at my laundry in the bedroom all the time.

The house is a fucking mess.  It’d be nice if I was either a grown-up or on the right brain meds and could make myself do something about it.  Hell, it’d be nice if I knew which fucking one was the problem.

Don’t bother with sympathy, I’m not much in the mood for it.  Just let me rant.

Adventures in Lexapro, ch. 325

Jeremy-Renner
The title of the .gif claims this is Jeremy Renner. As I have never seen him smile at any time whatsoever, I have reason to doubt it.

You will not believe what just happened.  I woke up this morning– before my alarm went off, a full half hour before my alarm went off– and upon discovering, to my extreme surprise, that I was awake and refreshed, got out of bed and started my day.  It is ten minutes before the boy and I have to leave for school; he is dressed, I have had breakfast, the dog is fed and let out, the cat is fed, his backpack is packed, a spot of Monster Legends has been played, and I still have time for a short blog post.

I have been tired, 100% of the time, for a year.

Is this what life was supposed to be like before Lexapro?  Is it the new bed?  A combination of both?  What the hell is going on here?

May as well tell the whole world

tmi.png.htmlI thought, for reasons that will quickly become quite obvious, that maybe I ought to not go ahead and fill the Internet in on certain recent developments in my life.  But I’ve been pretty open about being on anxiety medication since they put me on it, and this is related to that, so to hell with it.  A warning: if you know me personally, it’s possible that you might not want to read this.  Certain of you I’m giving license to never ever stop mocking me again, which… eh.  It’ll be okay.

So, to get straight to the point: I’ve taken myself off of Lexapro.  If I were a more intelligent human I would probably be weaning myself off Lexapro, but I’m not an especially intelligent human and I was on a pretty low dose to begin with so I’m cold-turkeying the shit.  I had several reasons for making this decision.  One of the big ones was that I’m not in the environment (teaching) that led me to need Lexapro in the first place, so the direct cause of my anxiety issues is gone.  The biggest one, though?  It turns out that one of the rarer side effects of drugs like Lexapro is…

…this is the part where you stop reading, if you ever want to not think of this when you see me or talk to me again…

…urinary incontinence.

I have had, perhaps once a month in the past six months, what I will describe as a “bloop” and assume that your imagination can fill in the details.  They have always happened when I was asleep, always when I was on my back, and have always instantly awakened me, at which time I’ve cleaned myself up, swearing profusely under my breath, and gone back to sleep.  Last week, it happened twice in two days, and what was previously merely an excessively irritating thing that I was attributing to getting older abruptly had me Googling things like “prostate cancer.”  There’s never been an issue when I was awake, although I feel like I’ve been having to race to the bathroom more urgently in the last year than I had previously.

Now, it’s a rare side effect.  But I was seriously considering calling a doctor and scheduling a prostate exam, and if I can just go off a drug I already don’t want to be on rather than enduring a prostate exam, I think maybe I’ll try that first.(*)

So I did a couple things:  I stopped taking my Lexapro and also stopped drinking pop, since caffeine and sugar have also been linked to urinary incontinence.  Not only have I had no nocturnal issues since then, but I’ve slept through the night most of the nights since then.  It has been months since I slept through the night five nights in a row; waking up at 3:30 in the morning needing to take a piss five or six times a week was also something that I had previously attributed to getting older that may have been caused by the drugs.  It’s only been a week, mind you, and until last week this was not a thing that happened frequently, but the absence of further bloops and being able to sleep through the night have me thinking I’m probably on to something.

Negative side effects of stopping Lexapro have been minimal; I was weirdly dizzy today and that’s been about it.  I haven’t noticed the anxiety coming back, really; I did let everyone at work know that I was off my brain meds and that if they thought I was behaving strangely they needed to let me know right away.  Predictably, this has led to every fucking interaction I have with anyone now involving someone accusing me of being overly emotional, because the people I work with are caring and serious grown-ups.

(*) The word first means “first,” not “only,” just to be clear.  I have since discovered that they’re recommending annual prostate exams start at 40 now instead of 50, so I actually will be talking to my doctor about that soon, and I’m not as het up about the idea as most men seem to be.  I’ll tell you about it if it’s a funny story, but I don’t expect it to be a big deal.  Just be aware that I’m not ignoring it.

“Regular blogging resumes tomorrow,” he said…

drugsinhand.jpgHA HA HA HA HA

So, right.  I’ve changed medications, and I’m somehow still recovering from C2E2, and the side effects of both withdrawal from drug A and going on drug B are drowsiness, and the end result of that is that for about the third day out of the last four I got home from taking my son to school and fell asleep, today until two fucking thirty in the afternoon.

I am not a human being any longer, folks.  I am a bag of flesh and sloth-scented humours held together by exhaustion and spite.  I have literally never been as tired in my life as I have been this week.

And then a spring storm blew through, and knocked a couple of trees and a utility pole over in my parents’ neighborhood, and now Mom’s spending the night because they don’t have any power and for various reasons I won’t get into she needs electricity at all times, and it took a bit to get that settled, and the end result is that it’s 7:30 and I’m just now like oh right I have a blog.

I owe y’all a recap of C2E2; the short version is that I had a hell of a lot of fun and I’m not doing it again.  And I’ll talk about the job offer from yesterday, too.  For right now, I just sort of want to curl up and die, possibly after having watched an episode of Daredevil, but let’s not hold our breath.  That would count as a major accomplishment, after how this week has gone.

Blech.