In which my mayor runs for President

It’s a good video. It’s a real good video. I’ve mentioned recently how wild I think it is that my life keeps intersecting with Democratic Presidential candidates– not that I can find the post right now, but I swear I have– and now my mayor Pete Buttigieg has announced that he’s forming an exploratory committee to run for President.

I, uh, don’t really want to be in a position where I have to vote for him. This is a weird thing to write, right? Hell, I didn’t think Barack Obama was ready to run for President early on in his run, when he’d only been in the Senate for two years, and he very quickly proved me completely wrong on that front. Pete Buttigieg passes one of my first smell tests for someone running for President, which is do I think this person is smarter than me, and he also passes my second smell test, which is do I think this person would be a better President than I would. He is, and he would. However, I would be a pretty terrible President, so that second one in particular is kind of a low bar. I do not think that being mayor of a town of 100,000 for, what, six years or so adequately prepares you for the Presidency no matter how good of a mayor I think you were– and don’t misunderstand me, I’m quite fond of the guy. I just don’t know what the hell he’s thinking right now, because even if he’s essentially trying to run for VP he’s up against Mike Pence, and frankly as much as I despise Mike Pence I think Buttigieg is not enough to move Indiana back into the blue column given that a former Governor is the VP right now.

(Fun fact: there have been more Vice Presidents from Indiana, at six, than any state other than New York. There have been two just in my lifetime.)

If I had my druthers– and the world working the way it does, I have actually told him this– Buttigieg would have his eye on the Governor’s mansion or a Senate seat right now. Indiana has had both Democratic Senators and Governors in the not terribly recent past; while the state is pretty uniformly red right now, it’s not going to last forever, and I think we have another wave election or two potentially headed our way at the moment. I think eight or twelve years down the line we will be looking at him much more seriously as a Presidential candidate– again, my main objection is to him running now.  I can very easily imagine a world where I’m happier to vote for him further on down the road.

But hey, I’ve been surprised before. Maybe the dude is even savvier than I think he is and he’ll find a way to light a fire under his candidacy. That would be damned impressive, close to impossible, but maybe. At any rate, it’ll be fun to keep an eye on.

(I am, at the moment, on team Kamala Harris. My affiliation is loose; I haven’t bought a jersey yet or anything, and of the currently declared candidates the only one I really have genuine problems with is Tulsi Gabbard. But just so y’all know where I’m coming from.)

Sure, Why Not: A pointless and uninformed ranking of people who might possibly run for President in 2020

My wife and I called it yesterday when she changed her Twitter handle to remove a reference to Massachusetts: Elizabeth Warren is, if not Officially Running for President, at least forming an exploratory committee for same, which … is pretty much the same damn thing, really. And it turns out that apparently Julián Castro has formed one too, which I didn’t know about.

Now, to be clear, I will literally vote for something scraped off my shoe if it gets the Democratic nomination for President in 2020. Hell, I’ll vote for Bernie Sanders if he gets the nomination, although I might prefer the shoe-scrapings. There’s no particular reason to take this list terribly seriously, other than that I’m sitting in my office waiting for a plumber to show up on New Year’s Eve because every pipe in my Goddamned house decided to overflow at once this morning and I am the only one in the house and bored. Everyone else fled the sewage in the tub for some reason.

That said:

I DON’T KNOW MUCH ABOUT YOU BUT RIGHT NOW I’M IN IF YOU RUN BUT I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO BECOME LESS EXCITED IF NECESSARY:

  • Kamala Harris
  • Cory Booker

I KNOW EVEN LESS ABOUT YOU THAN CATEGORY #1 SO LET’S SAY PROVISIONAL SUPPORT FOR NOW, PENDING FURTHER INFORMATION, AND I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO BECOME MUCH MORE EXCITED:

  • Julián Castro
  • Sherrod Brown
  • Amy Klobuchar
  • Kirsten Gillibrand

I THINK YOU’RE COOL BUT MAYBE WAIT FOR 2028:

  • Beto O’Rourke
  • Andrew Gillum
  • Stacey Abrams
  • Pete Buttigieg

YOU ARE OVER 60 AND/OR A WHITE DUDE AND I WOULD PREFER TO VOTE FOR SOMEONE YOUNGER AND/OR LESS WHITE DUDEY BUT OTHERWISE SURE:

  • Joe Biden
  • Elizabeth Warren

WE DID THIS ALREADY; NO, THANK YOU:

  • John Kerry

OH FUCKING HELL NO/ I HAVE ALREADY DECIDED I DON’T LIKE YOU:

  • Michael Avenatti
  • Michael Bloomberg
  • Bernie Sanders

IF THERE’S ANY FUCKING SANITY LEFT IN THE WORLD, THE ACTUAL NEXT DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES WILL BE:

  • Nancy Pelosi

In which I can work with this

Got the House back.  Things will continue getting worse, but the curve might bend a little bit now.  And there were some bits and bobs of really, really good news last night.

I actually took a leftover Clonazepam before bed last night because I was so keyed up, and today has been busy as hell, so this is gonna be a short note just because I’ve got shit to do tonight.  Watch this, then— I wish I could embed it, but I can’t find a way– and then afterward find somebody who thinks Democrats “don’t have a message” and punch them in their stupid face.

Alhamdulillah.

 

UPDATE: In which I’m not voting for at least one asshole

Last week I had some things to say about my House and Senate race.  I remain powerfully conflicted about my Senator, and am very carefully monitoring everything he says and does regarding a certain Supreme Court candidate; if he votes to confirm, he loses my vote and will not be regaining it.  I’ll send some money to Beto O’Rourke instead and see if him beating Ted Cruz can offset Donnelly losing his seat.

As for Mel Hall, as of this mailing today, that ship has officially sailed.  I will probably be just leaving the House line on my ballot blank, but part of me is seriously thinking about voting for Jackie Walorski because I would rather have a Republican in office who is honest about her party affiliation than a “Democrat” who is going to stab the party in the back at the earliest opportunity.

IMG_7607.JPG

That last paragraph?  Nope.  I’m done with you, Mel.  You don’t get to run as a fucking Democrat and guarantee that you’re going to vote against Nancy Goddamn Pelosi and still think I’m going to vote for you.  Newsflash, asshole: I’d rather have her in office than you.  And “personal responsibility” is what Republicans talk about when they feel like they can’t say that poor people deserve to be poor.  Fuck “personal responsibility.”  It’s a dogwhistle.  And fuck you.

The flipside of the flyer is all about Jesus:img_7608.jpg

So, yeah: rich, white, male, old, CEO, Jesusy, and anti-Pelosi.  All that says Republican to me.  And once again the word “Democrat” doesn’t appear anywhere on the flyer except for the part where they talk about who paid for it.

I am not voting for Mel Hall, because I vote for Democrats.  He isn’t one.

EDIT:  Having thought about it for a few more minutes, I’m making the somewhat more obvious choice and writing in Pat Hackett’s name for IN-02.  I’m going to vote for someone I actually want in office.

VENTING: In which I’m going to vote for assholes

demonrats-raping-america-for-the-last-200-years-they-are-33009820
Hey, Mel?  Joe?  This is what they think you are, and you aren’t going to trick these fuckers into voting for you.

I live in Indiana.  I live in one of the bluest parts of Indiana, don’t get me wrong, but I was born and raised in this state and for whatever the hell it’s worth I’m likely to die here.  I am, as a mostly-lifelong Hoosier (I lived in Chicago for nine years in there, and still occasionally refer to myself as a Chicagoan when the mood and necessity strike me) used to being ruled by Republicans, although Indiana is not remotely as monolithically red as most people who live outside the state think.  I’ve had a Democrat as a Senator for most of my life, a couple of Democratic governors, and most of my House representatives have been Democrats.  In fact, Joe Donnelly, my current Senator, used to be my House rep. He is only my Senator because he read the writing on the wall after redistricting and decided he would lose his seat and then lucked out against a truly abysmal Republican opponent.

Jackie Walorski became my Congresscritter after that election and has been re-elected a couple of times since then.  She’s running against a guy named Mel Hall right now.  I didn’t want Mel Hall to be the Democratic nominee.  I didn’t want to vote for another old white guy, I could detect no enthusiasm anywhere for his candidacy, and of the three he seemed to be spending the least effort trying to be my candidate.  Pat Hackett, who I voted for, and Yatish Joshi, who I didn’t vote for but wasn’t at all unhappy with, were everywhere, and they were both visibly working for votes.  Mel Hall was just the default old white guy.  I seriously thought, judging from what I’d seen, and in the absence of polling, that he was going to come in third, and I was shocked when he won.

My problem with Mel Hall, now that he’s officially the candidate, is that it’s becoming increasingly clear that Mel Hall doesn’t want to be the Democratic nominee either.  None of his TV ads mention being a Democrat, and we just got a flier from him today and the only place the word “Democrat” appears on it anywhere is the legally-required little line in the corner about who paid for the damn thing.  Instead, it talks about how he used to be a minister.

I don’t vote for ministers.   I sure as hell don’t vote for ex-ministers who decided to go show the poor people of Detroit the way and the light until he and his wife had kids and then decided that being a missionary wasn’t important any longer.  You were already a shitty minister and then you stopped for a shitty reason– and then got rich as a businessman, so fuck your religion one way or another.  Not one single thing Mel Hall has released as a political candidate has given me a reason to consider voting for him.  If I wasn’t the type to pay attention, I would think that we had two Republicans running for office.  Which is what he wants.

And Jackie Walorski is going to spend the entire campaign calling him a fucking liberal anyway.  Everyone to the left of any Republican is a liberal.  That’s how it works.  There is no such thing as a centrist to Republicans.  There is them, and there is the demonrat liberals, and that’s it.  And Mel Hall’s TV ad, which doesn’t mention the fact that he’s supposedly the Democratic nominee, does find time for him to say that “both parties are to blame” for Washington’s dysfunction.

Fuck you, Mel.  We have a center-right party in Washington and we have a party that is rapidly degenerating into fucking fascism if it’s not already goddamn there and I don’t wanna hear shit from you about “both fucking sides” right now.

Which brings me to Joe fucking Donnelly.  This fucking asshole is actually running an ad right now with video footage of the person claiming to be the President praising him.  Meanwhile, I can’t watch a fucking home renovation show on Hulu without seeing six dozen ads about how he’s a filthy liberal who wants open borders and hordes of illegal Mexicans to come rape all of our pristine pure white women.  One of their ads actually calls him “Mexico Joe.”  That’s not an exaggeration.

These fucking assholes are not going to vote for you, Joe.  And it would be a really good idea for both of these two shitbirds to realize who their goddamn base is and maybe try to goddamned motivate us to vote for them.  Because here’s the thing: as much as I piss and moan about it, and as much as I’m going to hate doing it, we’re not in a position right now where I am capable of not voting for the Democrat on the ballot.  America is in too much fucking trouble for me not to.  I’ve said “fuck your conscience” on this blog and on Twitter a whole bunch of times, and “fuck your conscience” applies to my ass too, as much as I don’t want it to.  Hall, as much as I hate to admit it, might have an outside chance if enough sexist assholes look at him and look at Jackie and decide that even a shriveled white librul Demonrat penis is better than no penis at all.  Maybe.  But I kind of doubt it.  But Donnelly?  Donnelly has nothing to offer to Republicans that his opponent doesn’t offer more of.

Gimme a reason to vote for you, you assholes.  Just one.  Some fucking thing I can hold on to when I vote.  Because the thing is, there are a lot of us out there, and while I’m going to be in that ballot box come November there are a lot of people who just might not bother if they see no one who represents them.  And frankly, if either of these two loses, they kind of deserve it.  I’d hate for control of the Senate to hang on whether Joe fucking Donnelly gets re-elected in Indiana or not, but it very well fucking could.

So get out there and act like you want the goddamn job, you milquetoast pricks.


EDIT:  I should make something clear here, actually: while I would really like to vote for someone who is at least as far left, if not farther, than I am, I am aware that the majority of this state and even this district are more conservative than me.  I’m well used to voting for people more conservative than me, and I’m not even that bothered by it.  It’s actively working to avoid representing the party that you’re running as a member of that is pissing me off so much about these two.