In which I brag about meaningless things

This motherfucker right here …

I’ve mentioned I’m playing through Dark Souls 3 again. This was my third playthrough. The first one, I hit a wall and had to stop playing because I couldn’t come even close to beating any of the game that was left. The second was as a strength-focused build and, while I beat the game, there was still one boss I couldn’t come close to killing no matter how hard I tried. He was optional, though, so I could just skip fighting him and still beat the game.

I was playing as a sorcerer for this run, for the first time. Playing as a sorcerer in Dark Souls 3 is kinda strange. You’re frankly just not that tough for most of the game until all the sudden at the very end you turn into a monster. My wife went to bed early last night, and I’d gotten to the point where I had three bosses left to beat the game– Lorian & Lothric, who I’d beaten once with the strength build, the final boss (ditto) and the fucking bullshit-ass Nameless King up there and his bullshit-ass dragon that he rides in on that you have to kill first. I had never beaten the Nameless King. Never even really come close. I told my wife I was gonna take a couple of stabs at the last couple of bosses and then come to bed, hoping that I’d get through one of them in half an hour or so and then make a sensible decision.

I beat Lorian & Lothric on my second try, and frankly I only lost to them the first time because I got overconfident and sloppy, and Dark Souls is a series where the most basic enemy in the game will demolish you if you stop paying attention for a minute. It took over an hour of trying on my last build to get through them and I still felt like I’d gotten kinda lucky at the end there.

“Screw it,” I thought, “I’ve been playing for less than ten minutes and I’m still not ready for bed.” (In my defense, it was barely nine– I wasn’t kidding when I said Bek had gone to bed early.) “I’m gonna give the King a try.” Now, this was dangerous– I know what I’m like, and it was entirely possible that I was sentencing myself to a night where I was still up at Goddamned midnight frustrated and tired and still losing to this annoying-ass boss and his annoying-ass dragon over and over again. Because, again, I’ve never beaten this bastard.

And then I demolished his ass– over half my health reserves left– on the first try. And everyone else in the house was in bed, so the proper response to an achievement of this magnitude– tearing my pants off and running around the house yelling swear words while waving said pants over my head– seemed inappropriate. So I just sat there in mild disbelief for a moment, thought “Ah, fuck it,” and went and beat the game. Which also took two tries, but mostly because the last boss does something halfway through the fight that I’d forgotten about and I got way too close and he wasted me.

So, yeah. If you’re a Dark Souls fan? Try a sorcerer build. It won’t come together for a while, but when it finally does? Holy shit.

A stupid good thing

maxresdefaultIt has been a miserable couple of weeks around here.  I just got over being sick and went straight into some major Clark Kent life drama, which combined with an apparent downturn in the local economy (the sales for the store in general have been shit for several weeks now) have not done well for my general state of mind lately.  Unfortunately, while I do like to use the blog as a braindump for said on-my-mind stuff, sometimes shit simply isn’t My Business to share– that would be the family issues– and the other major thing that happened recently and scared the everloving fuck out of me would make it way too easy to figure out certain important things that I’m not willing to share about my kid, even if I just nibbled around the edges on it.  So you all get VaguePosting and I consider opening another blog up and telling no one about it just so I can get the post in my head out and onto paper.  Or, uh, pixels.  Whatever.

It’s a thing, is what I’m saying.

But!  I was fucking unconscious at work yesterday– I literally either sold something to or quoted out every customer I spoke to except for one, and managed to transform a sales week that was utter shit walking into Saturday into a quite-welcome average week walking out.  I’m off today, because the boy turned six on Wednesday and his birthday party is today.  There are lots of sweaty six-year-olds in my future.  (I am tempted to say “and not in a good way,” here, which I think is probably just creepy innuendo for the sheer hell of innuendizing?  What the hell would the good way be?  I dunno.)

But back to that stupid good thing.  And it’s really stupid, so those of you who aren’t video game nerds may just want to go ahead and cut out now; the tl;dr version is I had an utterly minor life accomplishment that has improved my mood.

Anyway: I can’t find when the first mention of Nioh was on this blog, but needless to say the damn game came out in February and I haven’t really played anything else since I bought it.  I have been stuck on a particular boss– that evil ice bitch Yuki-Onna, pictured up there– for, literally, months, to the point where it has seriously affected the way I think about video games.  I want a fucking cheat mode on everything I play now, because paid $60 for this damn game and I want to see the whole thing, and nothing is worth getting stuck for as long as I was.  And it didn’t matter what the hell I did, I couldn’t get her past half her health, and I was still good for a two-second “Nope, not today” one-shot death about every third or fourth fight.  This weekend (which, remember, is Thursday and Friday for me,) being generally miserable and lacking in any brainspace whatsoever that might be useful for things other than video games, I decided I was in “beat this boss or die trying” mode.

To wit: I respecced my entire character, twice, and learned an entirely different weapon, switching my build from sword-spear to kusarigama-spear and adding a bunch of ninjutsu and onmyo mage skills, just so that I could get past Yuki-Onna.  And finally, Friday morning, I managed to take her out after months of trying.  I have been playing video games for a long, long time, guys, and I’m pretty certain I have never once in that time gotten stuck for this long at a specific boss in a game and then actually gotten past it.

I am several stages past her level now, and destroyed all the bosses in between on the first time I fought them, having had to massively overlevel Yuki-Onna’s stage in order to finally fucking beat her.  Which: way to difficulty spike, game.  She’s supposedly only the sixth hardest boss in the game, too, so I have that to look forward to, since I haven’t seen any of the top 5 yet.

But hey: it’s good news, even if it’s stupid good news.  The way shit’s been going lately, I’ll take it.

(Want to improve my mood?  I haven’t sold a book in a few days.  If you have a couple of bucks you don’t mind burning, you could order one.)

In which I’m proud of something mostly meaningless

giphy.gifI feel like I haven’t had time to stop and think for several days; highlights of the last week include snakes, mice, $500 in emergency “oh, hey, I just had to pull over directly into the repair shop on my way to work, mind picking me up from here?” brake work, mosquitoes, a quote of over twenty thousand dollars of American money to fix the issues with our house that led to the near-flood a couple of months ago, picking out and buying new flooring for our dining room, and– on the positive side– getting home a bit early from work yesterday and having my son come plop into my lap on the recliner for half an hour or so, and discovering today that I am apparently salesperson of the month for August at my new job.  On one hand, I started selling in July, so I feel like salesperson of the month my second month on the job ain’t bad.  On the other hand, there’s like eight of us, so… yay?  I dunno.

I am reading a really good book and I am gross and sweaty because the two trucks we had to unload this morning were ridiculous and it’s humid enough that the funk never really cleared out and I absolutely must have a shower before collapsing into bed and doing it all over again tomorrow.  Tomorrow’s challenge will be somehow acquiring my comic books when the comic shop opens after I have to be at work and closes before I leave.  I don’t know how I’m gonna do it, but I’m gonna.

Car’s fixed, by the way.

And after that shower, I’m going to bed.

How’re you?

An observation 

  
I am not sure which is cooler:

  • That I wrote all four of those, and you can tell– my name’s on ’em!
  • Or that my 2016 is already planned out, and that the first book of 2017 might be too.

Authoring is AWESOME.

In which I am so proud

Someone just found my blog by Googling “eldritch horror.” I’m wiping a tear as I type this.