Flower

Currently growing in my back yard:

Unread Shelf: May 31, 2021

Maybe– maybe– now that school is out, I’ll start getting caught up around here. Because it’s shameful how long some of these books have been on this shelf.

Taking tonight off

Enjoy the long weekend.

In which my mood still needs improvement

This is a serious question: is there any other organization or genre of organizations out there other than package delivery where you can pay for a certain service, not receive the service you paid for, and then just … nothing happens, and if you complain about it the explicit response from the company is to try and make you feel like a bad person?

Yes, of course I’m waiting on a FedEx package, again, and according to the tracking it’s been in my city since early this morning, just sitting around somewhere unable to be picked up by me, and it shipped two-day air on Wednesday and right now I’d lay a small amount of money that I don’t see it until Tuesday. Which will mean I paid extra to have something in two days, it will not be here until the sixth day, and my recourse will be … nothing. Sorry, we were busy. Unexpected delays. You impatient piece of garbage, you.

Today has not helped with my misanthropy problem. I have continued to be a snarly mess all day, and my disposition has not been improved by the repeated reminders that there is a store in Nashville, a store that I dearly hope has been burned to the ground by now, selling yellow fabric stars with the words “Not Vaccinated” on them. I don’t care anymore; I want these people to die, I want them to die of Covid, and I want them to be alone and in endless, unspeakable pain when it happens. Hint, maggots: if you have to buy the fucking yellow star to put it on yourself, it’s not oppression, it’s fucking capitalism.

I haven’t had the words for how much I hate these people for a while, and they keep getting worse every single day. I’m tired of everything I do and hear being dominated by the worst people in the Goddamned world.

Fuck.

In which it looks like I screwed up

You may recall that I turned down an opportunity to teach summer school in June. Now, despite everything I’m about to say, the reason I turned that position down remains true: that by the time they got around to offering me the job, we had signed our son up for a bunch of summer camps and I’d signed up for National Board Certification, meaning that I now need to cram four years of high school mathematics into a summer.

That said:

There are twenty days of summer school, six hours long each, and I was originally under the impression that my hourly rate was around $32.(*) That would mean that I’d have made $32 x 20 x 6 = $3840 before taxes. Which isn’t nothing by any stretch of the imagination, mind you, but it wasn’t quite enough to get me to back out of stuff that I’d already committed to or screw up my kid’s summer.

Then I found out my actual hourly rate is $41. I’m not sure how I fucked up that calculation, but that means my actual pay would have been $41 x 20 x 6 = $4,920 before taxes, and at that point– I discovered this after I turned the job down– losing out on that money starts to hurt a bit.

Well, they’re having serious trouble finding teachers– because I’m not the only person who took the two-month gap between applying for jobs and finding out whether they’d been accepted as a reason to find other summer plans– and the union and the district just signed off on increasing the summer pay to seventy fucking dollars an hour. Which is over twice the original rate I had calculated and would have meant a whopping $8400 before taxes, enough money to kill my last remaining credit card bill and put a substantial dent in the amount of money I owe on my car.

And … well, now I’m pissed. I mean, I’ll get over it, and I’m still not screwing over my son, but … shit.

Anybody want to hand me a big pile of money for no particular reason?

(Also, shit, how much Covid money must my district be sitting on right now, that they can even contemplate this level of pay? Holy shit.)

(* And before anybody jumps on my case for being a math teacher and not being able to calculate my own hourly pay: it’s not as simple as dividing my salary by 52 and then however many hours of pay I get in a week– first of all, it’s the actual number of weeks we’re paid for teaching in a year, a number I don’t know off the top of my head, and secondly, at least until recently anything that was paid on an “hourly” basis was actually paid at the scale of the lowest-paid teachers, not actually on my individual hourly pay, so the “hourly” for all the teachers in the district was the same. They’ve apparently changed the formula at some point and I didn’t notice.)

In which I need more to do

WordPress just dropped this on me:

Nice round number, 172.

In which I am crabby as hell

Despite the fact that they’re not supposed to be there right now, I was actually surprised to see that a grand total of zero eighth graders came to school today. I figured there’d be at least a handful, kids with younger siblings at the school, maybe, or some whose parents couldn’t find anywhere to put them, and that I’d have a quiet day but actually, like, have some humans to talk to at some point during the day. I did not, and spent the whole day staring at my phone and my computer, intermittently completing tasks but generally doing a halfway decent zombie impression.

I’m going through this insanely misanthropic phase at the moment, as it seems like every time I turn around or look at anything I see another video of some overstuffed, wealthy white person making an ass of themselves in public, or another fucknutted Republican politician saying something that is so obviously not true that I wish it was physically painful to lie. I would love to be able to entertain the both-sides people, I really would, but that’s not what we have in America right now. One political party is entirely out of its fucking minds and has been for years, and the other quite simply … isn’t.

Everything makes me tired right now, and I’m tired of being tired, and I’m tired of assholes, and being a half-decent human being really isn’t difficult. I fucking promise.

Holy shit it’s 8 PM

We ended up holding the 8th grade recognition indoors, avoiding any need to worry about the weather, which made my day easier (and dryer) than it was originally supposed to be, and I’ve kind of been wandering around in a daze for the rest of the day, trying to convince myself that it’s Wednesday and despite feeling like my school year is over– because it is— I still have to go to work for the next few days. Like, tomorrow I have to go to work. It’s not Friday.

And somehow the evening has completely gotten away from me, and it’s 8:00 already, and … like, I had stuff I wanted to do tonight, damn it. I demand at least two of those hours back.