It has been a Most Satisfying Vacation, y’all, and it ends tomorrow. I just realized I never actually said where we were or where we were going. There are lots of words in my head but lots of exhaustion in my body, so just look at this and imagine all the driving:
- MONDAY: Drive from South Bend, IN to Bloomington, IN. Tour Indiana University’s campus. Drive to Bedford, IN. Locate family ancestral home; photograph it. Drive from Bedford to Louisville, KY to visit one of my best friends and her family.
- TUESDAY: Not a travel day. Hang out in Louisville. Visit the zoo, which somehow manages to be uphill no matter where you are or where you’re going.
- WEDNESDAY: Travel from Louisville, KY to Shawnee, KS, which is just immediately to the west of Kansas City, to visit wife’s oldest friend and her family. Pass through, in the process, Kentucky, Indiana, Illinois, Missouri, and Kentucky.
- THURSDAY: Not a travel day; hang out in KC/Shawnee. Get a driving tour of Kansas City, including the very cool spot where Lewis and Clark looked out over the entire valley and went “Yep, America’s big.” Note to boy that you can see rivers, an airport, a highway, a train station, and a highway from this spot now, which is kinda interesting. Eat delicious barbecue. Yes, burnt ends. Go to a really cool independent bookstore and spend money despite not intending to.
- FRIDAY: Drive from Shawnee to Chicago IL, or at least the North Northytown suburbs of Chicago, via Iowa, mostly just so that you can add one more state to the list of states you visited while on the trip. Stop at a McDonald’s in a small town to feed and drain the boy and discover that every fucker in town has lunch at that McDonald’s on Friday. Damn hear have a panic attack at being crowded into such a small building with SO MANY WHITE PEOPLE. Assume that they can smell blood. Wait nervously for someone to notice the Elvish tattoo on my left leg, assume it is Arabic, and start some shit. Demand that we take the food to go and flee as quickly as possible. Discover that Iowa has a chain of gas stations called “Kum and Go,” which is as gross as it sounds. Resolve to avoid the state in the future. Have dinner with brother and sister-in-law upon arrival in Chicago.
- SATURDAY: Eat breakfast with brother and sister-in-law. Lounge about in hotel in Chicago. Hit the pool a couple of times. Go to Rainforest Café for dinner, which is both more delicious and WAY less campy than you had been led to believe in the past. Consider going to Ikea; change that plan upon remembering that it is Saturday.
- SUNDAY: Meet friends in Evanston for breakfast, Drive home. Return rental car, collect cat from parents (assuming cat is still alive,) go to grocery, sleep, somehow be ready to return to work Monday morning, sell enormous amounts of furniture to compensate for the week you just had where you sold none.