On honors classes

dr20120709So let’s imagine that you’re in charge of a school.  Or, hell, an entire school district, since for the purposes of this conversation I’d prefer that there be some notion of a wider community that has to be served by your school.

Which is more important: serving the needs of each individual student, or serving the needs of your community as a whole?  And what happens if those needs conflict with one another?  What if you literally cannot serve the best needs of the individual student if you’re going to focus on serving the needs of your community?

Think about that while I provide some background and tell a couple of stories.  Also be aware that I still have an intense goddamn headache and probably should not be staring at a screen or trying to think straight right now, so if this seems incoherent I apologize in advance.  🙂

When I was in fifth and sixth grade my school corporation piloted a new honors program.  (Incidentally, I work for this district now.)  High achieving students from across the corporation were pulled out of their home schools and put into two classrooms in the same building.  That building, as it turned out, had previously featured some of the lowest, if not the lowest, test scores in the corporation.  A year later, having literally imported the fifty or sixty smartest fifth and sixth graders available to them (and, presumably, displaced some of their other students to make room for us, although we were stuck in a portable classroom in the parking lot for sixth grade) the corporation made much hay about how the building had been turned around.

The building hadn’t been turned around.  They’d just played with the numbers a bit.  The classes were supposed to be educationally innovative, piloting all sorts of new ways to teach.  I do not recall learning much in fifth and sixth grade.  I do recall my mother constantly struggling with the principal– who, incidentally, is one of my district-level supervisors now.  For whatever it’s worth, she appears to have positive memories of me.

This was an early lesson for me on 1) how to lie with statistics, and 2) the cynicism embedded into standardized tests.  Note that this was in the mid eighties and thus way predates our current obsession with standardized testing.

Note also that my parents enthusiastically registered me for this program when the opportunity became available and that I, furthermore, was super psyched about being in it, despite having just had what was probably the best year of my school career in a school I loved in fourth grade.  Nobody had to talk anybody into anything here.

Fast forward to now: my corporation has an honors academy at the middle school level.  This is the program I was in in fifth and sixth grade writ large.  Note also that the “honors academy” is the largest middle school in the corporation, with, I believe, nearly twice the students that my building has.  Note that again, since these kids are all at the honors academy, that means that they’re not in my building or any of the other schools.

I could complain about this building quite a lot, if I wanted to.  As an educator, I hate them.  They win virtually every corporation-level competition that exists; it turns out that if you pack a building with high-functioning kids with active, engaged, and generally wealthy parents, you get things like great sports programs as a side effect.  Nobody else can compete.  The entire rest of the corporation is basically competing for second place.

Now reflect upon the fact that my building (and every other building in the corporation) is still expected to pass the same number of kids on the ISTEP as every other school in Indiana, despite the fact that, give or take, 20% of my highest-functioning, highest-scoring kids are taken from my building and sent to this other school, and that furthermore we lose additional kids to this school every year.  Last year, for example, nineteen kids from my school with passing or high-passing ISTEP scores transferred to this other building.

We are, effectively, expected to achieve average results– but with the top 20% of our distribution sliced off and sent somewhere else.  And it happens every single year.  And they are expanding this other school, adding new classrooms every year for the next three or four years– so it’s only going to get worse.

Note that I cannot challenge the decisions of any of the individual kids or the individual parents.  My parents, and I, made the exact same decision when I was in fifth and sixth grade, and frankly would probably do so again.

Note that this individual decision, made enough times, basically means that achieving “average” results becomes mathematically impossible.

(One of the solutions to this is to work with a growth model rather than caring about pass rates.  I’ve talked about this before; I don’t think the ISTEP should even have a passing score.  But that’s not the world I live in at the moment.)

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve gotten both my ECA (End of Course Assessment) results and my ISTEP scores back.  I was initially a little depressed with my ECA scores– a high school graduation test that is given to my honors 8th graders– until I looked at previous scores for my building and realized that I’d managed the highest pass rate the school has ever had.  I literally passed three times as many kids as a couple of years ago.

My ECA scores, in other words, make me look like a genius.

I got my ISTEP scores back yesterday.  ISTEP scores are tricky; an essential part of the scores (the growth model part) don’t get released until a bit after the raw scores, and the raw scores can be a bit misleading if you’re not careful about how you look at them.

My honors kids– the same kids that had the record-setting ECA scores– did great, and were more or less in line with the improvement numbers I’ve seen in years past.  Keep in mind that in the last two years I had the best improvement numbers in the building one year and either took second definitively or tied for second, depending on the metric you’re using, in the second year.

My regular ed kids did terrible.  My seventh graders barely moved at all.  I have a couple of pockets of success here and there– I had four kids who I was really hoping for passing scores out of, who have never passed before– and I got two out of the four and the third kid held on to what was frankly a staggering score increase from last year, but still didn’t quite pass.  But on average my seventh graders were basically exactly where they were last year.  (This phenomenon doesn’t appear to be limited to me, by the way– everyone I’ve talked to is shocked by how the 7th graders did.)

So, I’m gonna be evaluated on these test results, right?  Do we look at the honors kids, and conclude that I’m a stellar educator?  Do we look at the seventh graders, and conclude that I’m terrible?  Or do we look at an average of both, and conclude that I’m merely mediocre?

Here’s the problem with honors classes:  by concentrating the kids who do best into individual classrooms, you by definition take them out of regular ed classrooms.  Which has the effect of concentrating special ed students, low-functioning but not quite special ed students, kids who could do well if they wanted but simply don’t give a shit, and– worst of all– behavior problems into all of your other classrooms.  Which means that the kids who either don’t care or are actively invested in being destructive have a much easier time of taking over and destroying your class for the kids who do care.

I had two different results with these two classes.  My first and second hour, while the kids are mostly bright (although some of them clearly don’t want to be) is overrun with behavior problems and has been all year.  My third and fourth hour kids are mostly– understand that this is not an exaggeration– either special education kids or criminals.  Fully 20% of third and fourth hour spent some time this year either expelled from school or wearing ankle monitors.  I have four different students in that class with sub-60 IQs.  My best students in that room wouldn’t even qualify as average in my other class.

It turns out that I’m a much better teacher when I get to, y’know, actually teach.  My third and fourth hour cratered on the ISTEP.  It turns out it’s really goddamn difficult to get math concepts through to kids when half of them don’t give a shit and the other half require individual attention.  That class had other adults in it for the entire school year but even with three people in the room there are simply too many kids who need help for us to be able to actually do our jobs adequately with all of the kids– particularly when there are three or four at any given time who will literally do nothing if an adult is not standing next to them monitoring them at all times.

Now, none of these kids change if I introduce our honors kids back into the classroom with them.  But you know what happens?  They actually see success.  I can ask questions of the classroom and have somebody who is going to answer.  The number of times I’ve asked 3rd and 4th hour simple shit this year and gotten nothing but blank stares because half of them don’t know, half of them don’t care, and 2/3 of them are waiting for someone else to answer beggars belief.  And, furthermore, it increases the resources available to the kids who need help– if you can ask TJ how to do a problem and expect to receive a coherent answer, rather than him just saying “it’s 3” (and honors kids generally want to be helpful to other students rather than just letting them copy) then you don’t have to ask me.  I can concentrate my efforts on fewer kids, which means that more of them actually get educated on any given day.  Which means that, overall, my building looks better and more of our kids are getting the educations they deserve.

What I can’t do as well in those circumstances– and maybe this means I’m just not good enough at differentiating my instruction; don’t get the idea that I’m trying to put all the blame on the kids here– is push the honors kids.  See the problem?  Getting rid of honors classes requires a collectivist mindset from both the parents of those honors kids and the students themselves.  If I don’t have that honors Algebra class, well, I can’t teach anybody honors Algebra, now, can I?  I can do individual enrichment but that’s not remotely the same as an entire directed class.

Which means that those parents and those kids have to decide that the education for everybody is more important than their own education.  And I cannot criticize anyone for not being willing to make that decision.

After all, I didn’t make it myself, did I?

Bah.

How standardized testing screws up your priorities

no-bullshitThe really scary thing is that I’m pretty sure I ought to throw a “Part 2” up there after the title, but I don’t precisely remember what the other post was about, and Christ does the tag “standardized testing” give me a lot of entries to wade through.

(Ah, right: here.  Apparently this is becoming a theme.)

I already talked about how I had to waste a day last week giving all of my students the mandatory ISTEP practice test.  I left a bit of the story out– because, honestly, at the time I’d forgotten all about it, but it popped back into my head while I was taking a shower earlier today and I feel like I ought to pass it on.  My Honors kids, due to a smaller number of nonsense behavior/noise issues and a lack of technical problems, finished the test a good fifteen minutes before any of my other classes did, so they got a fair amount of time to screw around on the Internet before the end of class, since bringing them back to the room for half an hour of instruction seemed a) somewhat pointless and b) slightly punitive.

My main job, then, for the last half hour or so of my class, was basically just to wander around and make sure nobody was trying to look for porn.  Half of the kids were on Google Maps exploring foreign cities (I love that this is what they chose to do with their time, by the way) and the other half were playing Minecraft, so no problems on that end.  At one point I looked outside– one entire wall of the lab is windowed, so I can see anything going on in the hallway– and saw the teacher I’ve been mentoring all year out in the hallway outside the library with a couple of her kids.  Wanting an adult to talk to for a moment, and having a class of kids who I could safely monitor through a wall of glass, I wandered out into the hallway to say hello.

At this point I discovered that the conversation they were having was somewhat more… hmm… fraught than I’d suspected from inside the computer lab.  One of her girls had just told another student that she was planning on running away from home, and that student had, to her credit, immediately told the teacher about it.  There are certain protocols that we’re to follow under these circumstances, obviously, but generally talking to the kid for at least a few minutes before dumping the entire thing into the lap of the school social worker is a good idea, and the teacher was doing just that.  I stayed out there long enough to make sure she felt like she had a handle on everything and then went back into the lab, since I could tell the girl wasn’t terribly comfortable continuing the conversation with me standing there.

Later that day, once school had let out, I ran into the other teacher in the hallway again and asked her what had been going on with the girl.  Turns out she’d just been told, the night before, that she was adopted.  Sixth graders not being terribly reasonable creatures, she’d internalized this information not as “my adopted parents love me so much that they picked me to bring home,” which I think everyone would kind of have preferred, but as “no one loves me at all, and I should go away.”

My first thought, I swear to God, was Why the fuck did they do that to her the week before ISTEP?

Something’s gotta fucking change around here.

REBLOG: Standardized Tests Tell Nothing

Reblogging this from Curmudgucation, a blog name I wish I’d come up with myself:


Standardized Tests Tell Nothing

Testy stuff experts could discuss all of the following in scholarly type terms, and God bless them for that. But let me try to explain in more ordinary English why standardized tests must fail, have failed, will always fail. There’s one simple truth that the masters of test-driven accountability must wrestle with, and yet fail to even acknowledge:

It is not possible to know what is in another person’s head.

We cannot know, with a perfect degree of certainty, what another person knows. Here’s why.

Knowledge is not a block of amber.

First, what we call knowledge is plastic and elastic.

Last night I could not for the life of me come up with the name of a guy I went to school with. This morning I know it.

Forty years ago, I “knew” Spanish (although probably not well enough to converse with a native speaker). Today I can read a bunch, understand a little, speak barely any.

I know more when I am rested, excited and interested. I know less when I am tired, frustrated, angry or bored. This is also more true by a factor of several hundred if we are talking about any one of my various skill sets.

In short, my “knowledge” is not a block of immutable amber sitting in constant and unvarying form just waiting for someone to whip out their tape measure and measure it. Measuring knowledge is a little more like trying to measure a cloud with a t-square.

We aren’t measuring what we’re measuring.

We cannot literally measure what is going on in a student’s head (at least, not yet). We can only measure how well the student completes certain tasks. The trick– and it is a huge, huge, immensely difficult trick– is to design tasks that could only be completed by somebody with the desired piece of knowledge.

A task is as simple as a multiple choice question or an in-depth paper. Same rules apply. I must design a task that could only be completed by somebody who knows the difference between red and blue. Or I must design a task that could only be completed by somebody who actually read and understood all of The Sun Also Rises.

We get this wrong all the time. All. The. Time. We ask a question to check for understanding in class, but we ask it in such a tone of voice that students with a good ear can tell what the answer is supposed to be. We think we have measured knowledge of the concept. We have actually measured the ability to come up with the correct answer for the question.

All we can ever measure, EVER, is how well the student completed the task.

Performance tasks are complicated as hell.

I have been a jazz trombonist my whole adult life. You could say that I “know”many songs– let’s pick “All of Me.” Can we measure how well I know the song by listening to me perform it?

Let’s see. I’m a trombone guy, so I rarely play the melody, though I probably could. But I’m a jazz guy, so I won’t play it straight. And how I play it will depend on a variety of factors. How are the other guys in the band playing tonight? Do I have a good thing going with the drummer tonight, or are our heads in different places? Is the crowd attentive and responsive? Did I have a good day? Am I rested? Have I played this song a lot lately, or not so much? Have I ever played with this band before– do I know their particular arrangement of the song? Is this a more modern group, because I’m a traditional (dixie) jazz player and if you start getting all Miles on me, I’ll be lost. Is my horn in good shape, or is the slide sticking?

I could go on for another fifty questions, but you get the idea. My performance of a relatively simple task that you intended to use to measure my knowledge of “All of Me” is contingent on a zillion other things above and beyond my knowledge of “All of Me.”

And you know what else? Because I’m a half-decent player, if all those other factors are going my way, I’ll be able to make you think I know the song even if I’ve never heard it before in my life.

If you sit there with a note-by-note rubric of how you think I’m supposed to play the song, or a rubric given to you to use, because even though you’re tone-deaf and rhythm-impaired, with rubric in hand you should be able to make an objective assessment– it’s hopeless. Your attempt to read the song library in my head is a miserable failure. You could have found out just as much by flipping a coin. You need to be knowledgeably yourself– you need to know music, the song, the style, in order to make a judgment about whether I know what I’m doing or not.

You can’t slice up a brain.

Recognizing that performance tasks are complicated and bubble tests aren’t, standardized test seemed designed to rule out as many factors as possible.

In PA, we’re big fans of questions that ask students to define a word based on context alone. For these questions, we provide a selection that uses an obscure meaning of an otherwise familiar word, so that we can test students’ context clue skills by making all other sources of knowledge counter-productive.

Standardized tests are loaded with “trick” questions, which I of course am forbidden to reveal, because part of the artificial nature of these tasks is that they must be handled with no preparation and within a short timespan.But here’s a hypothetical that I think comes close.

We’ll show a small child three pictures (since they are taken from the National Bad Test Clip Art directory, there’s yet another hurdle to get over). We show a picture of a house, a tent and a cave. We ask the child which is a picture of a dirt home. But only the picture of the house has a sign that says, “Home Sweet Home” over the door. Want to guess which picture a six-year-old will pick? We’re going to say the child who picked the cave failed to show understanding of the word “dirt.” I’d say the test writers failed to design an assessment that will tell them whether the child knows the meaning of the word “dirt” or not.

Likewise, reading selections for standardized tests are usually chosen from The Grand Collection of Boring Material That No Live Human Being Would Ever Choose To Read. I can only assume that the reasoning here is that we want to see how well students read when they are not engaged at all. If you’re reading something profoundly boring, then only your reading skills are involved, and no factors related to actual human engagement.

These are performance task strategies that require the student to only use one slice of brain while ignoring all other slices, an approach to problem solving that is used nowhere, ever, by actual real human beings.

False Positives, Too

The smartest students learn to game the system, which invariably means figuring out how to complete the task without worrying about what the task pretends to measure. For instance, for many performance tasks for a reading unit, Sparknotes will provide just as much info as the students need. Do you pull worksheets and unit quizzes from the internet? Then your students know the real task at hand is “Find Mr. Bogswaller’s internet source for answer keys.”

Students learn how to read teachers, how to  divine expectations, what tricks to expect and how to generally beat the system by providing the answers to the test without possessing the knowledge that the test is supposed to test for.

The Mother of all Measure

Tasks, whether bubble tests or complex papers, may assess for any number of things from students’s cleverness to how well-rested they are. But they almost always test one thing above all others-

Is the student any good at thinking like the person who designed the task?

Our students do Study Island (an internet-based tutorial program) in math classes here. They may or may not learn much math on the island, but they definitely learn to think the same way the program writers think.

When we talk about factors like the colossal cultural bias of the SAT, we’re talking about the fact that the well-off children of college-educated parents have an edge in thinking along the same lines as the well-off college-educated writers of the test.

You can be an idiot, but still be good at following the thoughty paths of People in Charge. You can be enormously knowledgeable and fail miserably at thinking like the person who’s testing you.

And the Father of all Measure 

Do I care to bother? When you try to measure me, do I feel even the slightest urge to co-operate?

Standardized tests are a joke

For all these reasons, standardized tests are a waste of everybody’s time. They cannot measure the things they claim to measure any better than tea leaves or rice thrown on the floor.

People in the testing industry have spent so much time convincing themselves that aspects of human intelligence can be measured (and then using their own measurements of measurement to create self-justifying prophecies) that they’ve lost fact of that simple fact:

You cannot know what’s in another person’s head

What goes on in my head is the last boundary I have that you cannot cross. I can lie to you. I can fake it. I can use one skill to substitute for another (like that kid in class who can barely read but remembers every word you say). Or I may not be up to the task for any number of reasons.

Standardized test fans are like people who measure the circumference of a branch from the end of a tree limb and declare they now have an exact picture of the whole forest. There are many questions I want to ask (in a very loud voice that might somewhat resemble screaming) of testmakers, but the most fundamental one is, “How can you possibly imagine that we are learning anything at all useful from the results of this test?”

You’ve gotta be kidding me

Starting to think that there might not be school tomorrow.  Follow the bouncing ball:

  • Five to nine inches of snow;
  • Starting after 2:00 in the morning;
  • after a period of rain (more ice)
  • and sleet (more ice)
  • coupled with 35-mph winds
  • peaking at two inches of snow an hour at… 6:00 in the morning.

That’s what you call a perfect storm, kids.  It’s basically exactly what you need in this part of the world for snow to cancel school, combined with the guarantee that weather like that will keep a lot of kids home even if the schools don’t cancel, because it’ll be vile as hell outside.  Yes, it’s ISTEP week.  Better or worse: extend testing another day for everyone, or have 15-20% of all the kids in every school need make-up tests?

(For the record: same thing happened three or four years ago.  They cancelled.)

In which I ain’t mad

anigif_enhanced-9949-1393531503-3So, my kids bombed the Applied Skills, and I don’t care.  I’m not legally allowed to discuss individual test items, and that’s not an issue that I care to challenge the state on, so I’m not going to.  I can say the rest of this, though: I had maybe six or seven kids who didn’t even finish, which for my students is incredibly rare.  (By comparison, I had only two kids out of all my current students who didn’t finish it last year, and at least three times that many in one class this year.)  Every other seventh-grade teacher who I talked to, in more than one building, reported the same phenomenon: much higher than normal numbers of kids not finishing the test.

This tells me that the state way overshot the difficulty level, and they’ll adjust for that when they score.  Plus, as I said a couple of days ago, I have kids who got zero points on the Applied Skills in sixth grade and still passed the test.  I learned after my first year teaching sixth grade; this test always looks horrifying and tries to destroy both my own confidence in my ability to do my job and their own confidence in their ability to do their jobs (as a bonus, the hardest question was the first one again this year) and it is manifestly not worth stressing out about.  They came in confident, no one gave up, and I felt like they did their best on the LA test that came second today despite getting beaten down by the math test.  That’s really all I can ask for.  I’m not wasting time worrying about it.


Something I am going to spend my time worrying about:  remember Raymond?  Unfortunately, his seizure during class a couple of weeks ago was only the first in a series of them.  He’s not been in class very much lately as his parents have struggled to find the cause of the problem and adjust medications, but they sent him in today because of ISTEP testing.

He apparently had at least one seizure during the test today.  He didn’t test with me because of his disabilities; he gets extra time and he has difficulty with fine motor skills like writing so he’s got a scribe with him for the test.  His para told me that there was no point anywhere during the test where Raymond had any idea what the hell was going on around him or what he was supposed to be doing on the test.

I can’t get mad at his parents; they were trying to do what they thought they were supposed to do.  But I’ll be damned if I’m not going to raise hell to get that test invalidated, and I hope to hell his parents keep him home for the next couple of days.  This is true for obvious humanitarian reasons– this test is not important enough for a kid to jeopardize his damn health to take– and slightly-more-selfish reasons, such as the fact that current ed reform theory is that there is nothing more important to student test scores than the skill of the teacher (and I’m certainly the only one who’s going to get blamed) and I suspect that fuckin’ epilepsy might have a bit to do with his scores here.  I didn’t find out about all this until late in the day so I didn’t have time to talk to his parents; I’m sure as hell going to be meeting with administration tomorrow to see what we can do about invaliding the test.

I suspect that meeting is going to be fun.

Even more standardized testing nonsense

do-not-read-400x301…because I can never, ever stop talking about this.

You may recall, if you’ve been reading for a bit, my post where I declared all grades to be arbitrary bullshit.  Yes, all grades.  Go ahead and click the link for additional explanation, or just click here to get the whole three-part series.  What is also arbitrary bullshit, always, is how we determine what is a “pass” and a “fail” on a standardized test.

Lemme back up.

I didn’t do any teaching today.  The first round of the ISTEP test is next week.  It’s what they call the “Applied Skills” portion of the test, with the multiple choice part coming in either the last week of April or the first week of May; I don’t remember.  Basically, the Applied Skills portion of ISTEP is the story problems part.  It’s still paper-based and the kids have to write everything out and show all of their work, which is why it’s so much earlier than the rest of the test– because it can’t be graded by a machine.

I spent all day today with The Hunger Games playing on my class DVD player, calling my kids back for what are called test talks— a brief three- or four-minute conference with me where we went over their ISTEP score from last year, their performance on the three Acuity tests over the course of this year, and– and this was a new wrinkle I threw in this year– their performance, specifically, on the Applied Skills portion of last year’s ISTEP.

It will not surprise you, I think, regardless of whether you teach or not, to discover that kids (not just mine) tend to have a harder time with open-ended story problems than they do with (somewhat) more objective multiple-choice problems.  For one, you can’t guess your way through an open-ended question, and just multiplying together every number you can find– the go-to “I don’t get this” reaction– is not often the right response.   I had many, many conversations today where I praised a kid on their high ISTEP score, then flipped the scoresheet over to the other side and watched their faces fall when I showed them their scores on the objective portion of the test.  My reason for doing this?  Those are the money points.  Nearly all of my kids can substantially improve their ISTEP scores just by being a little bit more conscientious on the applied skills test they take on Tuesday.  It’s literally a matter of moving some zeroes to ones.  Individual points on this test count more toward their overall score than a single question on a multiple-choice test will, so if they focus on doing their best on Tuesday they’ve got a really good chance of bringing up their overall score.

Back to arbitrary bullshit:  I discovered today, and I’d suspected this before but I hadn’t actually seen proof, that it is possible to pass the ISTEP for mathematics in seventh and eighth grade and get no points whatsoever on the entire Applied Skills portion of the test.  I have at least two kids who pulled that off– literally zero Applied Skills points, but a pass on the overall test.  No points at all for “Figure the area of a rectangle that is four feet by three feet,” but we’ll pass you if you can figure out that C, 12, is the answer if the problem is 4×3.

You tell me how useful a “pass” actually is under those circumstances.

The real reason standardized testing sucks

middle-finger-poster-flag-6185-pI walked past the office on the way back to my room from lunch and noticed one of my students and her older brother sitting in there waiting for someone.  They’re in different grades, so it seemed unlikely that they were both in trouble, and normally she’s almost annoyingly conscientious about letting me know when she’s not going to be in school, so it wasn’t likely that they were waiting for a parent to come pick them up unless something had gone wrong.

I stuck my head in and asked what was going on.  She said she didn’t know.  I glanced at the older brother; he shrugged too.

“Will you be back in class?”

Another shrug.  At this point I asked one of the office staff, who gave me a don’t ask right now look and said that she’d be back sooner or later.  Well, okay; not worrying about it right now.

She came back with about ten minutes left in class.  Changed her seat to an isolation desk (I don’t have assigned seats; the kids can move whenever they want so long as they aren’t being disruptive.  I’m also free to move them when they are being disruptive) and put her head down.  She’d been in a perfectly good mood when I saw her last.  I was swamped with kids wanting help with various things, so I left her alone for a couple of minutes, at which point it became clear that she was crying.

I pulled her out into the hall to find out what was going on.  The crying quickly turned into sobbing hysteria; the kid was completely unable to even get a word out.  It took ten minutes— during which time my classes switched, and I told my eighth graders to find the next section in their textbooks and teach themselves how compound interest worked– before I could even get her coherent enough to talk.  What the hell happened down there?

I didn’t get much detail, obviously, but apparently child protective services had met with the two of them for some reason (not that I’d share it if I did, but at this moment I have no idea why) and toward the end of the interview had either asked them if they thought it would be better if they were removed from their home or suggested that it might be better.    And she, understandably, freaked the fuck out.   And, again, I have no idea why– I’ve never seen any real evidence that this kid comes from a fucked up household, although I’ve also never met or heard from her parents, and she’s a good kid so I’ve not had reason to contact them on my own.  I sent her off to the counselor on a pass once I got her calmed down and went on with my day.

This post isn’t about that.  This post is about my reaction when this sobbing child who has been in my room for a year and a half, and who I’ve watched blossom from someone who insisted on either a calculator or a math facts sheet when presented with the slightest challenge to someone who is, two or three days out of the week, one of the best math students in her class, told me that the reason she was crying was because someone had threatened to take her away from her parents.

My first thought was How dare those fucking assholes do this to me the week before ISTEP.

Do this.  To me.  Because clearly if CPS thinks this child has a reason to be removed from her parents, that is something that they are doing to me.  Because apparently there is part of my brain that thinks my fucking test scores are more important than this child’s basic health and safety.

Fuck standardized testing.  Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it.  And fuck me for a soulless bastard for even allowing that shit into my head even if I have the decency to be ashamed of it afterwards.

In which I am important and necessary

stamp21Friday afternoon I got a series of emails from my principal indicating that today was going to be a little bit more obnoxious than I’d initially planned.  Apparently he’d gotten an email from the Lord High Muckety-Mucks downtown (and I mean that affectionately, of course) that he and four hand-picked staff members of his choosing were to meet with them (yes, plural, all of the Muckety-Mucks, not just a couple) downtown Monday afternoon.  They were paying for subs all day, though, not just for the duration of the meeting, and we were to meet in our buildings and discuss whatever seemed like it needed discussionation during the morning in preparation for our meeting in the afternoon.

No real indication of what the meeting was about, or much of anything about what we were to bring with us, other than some vague references to some information that downtown already had.  This is, by the way, the week before ISTEP.  I’ve already rescheduled or vocally complained about any number of things that were supposed to happen this week.

I *still* haven’t spent five work days in a row in my classroom in 2014, by the way. I should finally manage that feat next week, since nobody’s moving me anywhere during the week of the test.  But yeah, I was out all day today, in meetings in the morning in the building (where we got a bit of useful stuff done and then sat around staring at each other and speculating about what the hell the meeting downtown was going to be about) and then at the actual meeting in the afternoon with the LHMMs.

There is no story about the meeting itself; as we left it we all mostly figured that downtown just wanted an idea of how good a staff our building had and wanted to see how our lead teachers reacted to being brought downtown on short notice and interrogated about our building plans.  And, honestly, “interrogated” is vastly overstating the case; I’ve been in much more adversarial meetings than that one.  I am not convinced that it was a good use of our time, especially the week before ISTEP, but I think we made ourselves look good and hell if I can think of another way they’re all going to meet the leadership team at once without dragging us out of the building.

Then I got back to the building and taught at Boot Camp until 5:30; we do a few days of intense after-school test prep during the week before ISTEP every year, featuring half an hour of calisthenics led by actual drill sergeants before the kids are sent back to the classrooms.  It’s actually pretty fun, but that meant that today went from 7 to 5:30 and I didn’t get a prep period.  So I’m tired as hell right now.

I have Walking Dead and True Detective to watch tonight.  Too bad I can’t put the boy to bed now.

(I kid.  Sorta.)