In which the hype, somehow, is real

I am fully, 100% aware of just how behind the times I am, that it is April of 2021 and I am about to use precious space on Beyoncé’s internet to talk about the Popeye’s Chicken Sandwich. But yes, somehow I managed to wait a year and a half from the launch of the sandwich in August of 2019 to finally eat one. But there really isn’t a Popeye’s anywhere near me, and it’s not like we’ve been able to eat in restaurants lately. But I have dinner with my dad every week or two, and generally the way it works is that I bring something over, and he said yesterday that he was in the mood for chicken sandwiches and didn’t specify where from.

And there is a Popeye’s near Dad’s place. Now, it’s a shitty Popeye’s– but then, they all are, right? But if he wants chicken sandwiches anyway, and there’s one by him … well, what the hell, let’s gird our loins for disappointment and try the damn things out. Surely they’ve been out long enough that I can just go get a couple of them, and they’ve probably been scaled back from what they were when they were first out and people were literally murdering each other for the damn things.

Ha.

This particular Popeye’s is a freestanding restaurant that is basically in the middle of a parking lot. It’s not really built to have a lengthy drive-thru line, and when I got there not only did the line completely wrap around the building– let me remind you again that it is April of 2021 and this damn sandwich has been out for nearly two years— but they had someone in the parking lot fucking directing traffic, so that Popeye’s customers could get in line for the drive-thru while still at least theoretically allowing people access to the Subway (this Subway) fifty feet away.

I was in line for maybe fifteen minutes. Given the number of cars, not bad. I ordered three Original sandwiches– Dad had said he wanted two, so I figured I’d get two as well– and one Spicy.

Do not order two of these damn things, and do not try to eat both at a sitting unless you are a giant fat man like me.

Look at that fucking sandwich. That’s the spicy one. The chicken patty was an inch thick. The other one didn’t overhang the bun like this one did but holy hell, this much food for $4.50 or whatever they were charging me– it’s less than that, I think– is madness. The damned sandwiches were delicious; they weren’t overwhelmed with sauce (mayo for one and spicy sauce of some sort for the other,) the pickles were tasty and crunchy although there could have maybe been a couple more of them (I think they slid to the one side of the sandwich during transit?) and the patty itself in both cases was fucking great. This is 100% the best fast-food chicken sandwich I’ve ever had, bar none, and other than a particular sandwich served by one single restaurant in Chicago that obviously I can’t get any longer, it’s probably the best chicken sandwich I’ve ever had, period, and it’s not close. Even the spicy sandwich was, for me, balanced more or less perfectly. It’s probably not hot enough for people who genuinely like super-spicy foods, but for me it hit the sweet spot where I was definitely feeling it but it wasn’t overwhelming.

I finished the damn things nearly two hours ago and my mouth is still kind of watering. That good.

But seriously, don’t order two of them, especially if you want any kind of side. I’ll have more of these– they’re worth going out of my way for– but it’s an enormous amount of food. If, like me, you didn’t want to battle crowds to get one of these when they were all over the news and then just sort of let it fall off your radar, make a trip. It’s worth it.

OMG

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I said something about how I’d never gotten a sticker before so THEY GAVE ME EXTRA and I’m totally wearing one for each of the next three days.

COVER REVEAL: Tales from the Benevolence Archives

Oh man oh man oh man oh man oh man guys.

I got my first look at Jamie Noble Frier’s cover for the next Benevolence Archives book about a week ago, and didn’t share it at the time.  He and I shot a few emails back and forth and he just sent me this, which he okayed for sharing.  This is still in the preliminary stages, obviously, but then again so is the book.  It’s a race right now to see which of us finishes first.

But goddamn is this gonna be a fine cover:

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I am squeeing, I tell you.  Squeeing.

(Haven’t read BA yet?  Feel free to get started right here for just 99 cents.)

GUYS

My artist just sent me a preliminary sketch for the cover of TALES FROM THE BENEVOLENCE ARCHIVES.

I may have emitted girlish noises.

Possibly.

I cannot wait to share this with y’all.

A recommendation

osaki-executive-zero-gravity-massage-chair-black-29.png.jpegEvery place where the employees have to spend all day on their feet should have access to $5,000 massage chairs that do foot massages.  Because holy shit.

I have determined that five minutes in The Chair at the end of each shift is now a perk of my job.  I have never really been a Massage Person because I dislike people who I can’t see touching me.  This dislike apparently does not apply to mechanical objects.  Like, it’s two hours later, and I’m at home in my shitty La-Z-Boy recliner, and I can still feel the damn thing working my lower back.  Highly recommended.  If Trump made getting one of these things for every American family a campaign promise I’d vote for him.  Bernie Sanders would be all like “Fuck free college, just give errbody a chair.”  Clinton would promise one too and then everyone would get all shitty and accuse her of pandering to the “likes good things” demographic.  That good.

In other news, it’s been confirmed that my training wheels come off on Monday, so I’ve only got a couple more days of training left.  The last couple have been really intense compared to last week, and tomorrow and Friday promise to be even worse.  Still having fun, though.  I like the feeling of having a shitton of stuff I’m supposed to learn and absorb, and I think I’m doing a decent job at it so far.  But I’m still ready to kick those trainers off.  Just a few more days.