How to Drive Without Killing Me: A Basic Lesson for People Who Don’t Want to be Fucking Morons

Okay, y’all, see that lane I’ve marked with a blue arrow?

If you are driving in that lane, and there are stopped cars in front of you because of a light or a stop sign or whatever, and someone is waiting to turn left across traffic into a parking lot or a retail establishment or whatthefuck ever, do not ever ever ever under any circumstances stop early to let that motherfucker turn left in front of you.

Don’t do it. Don’t ever do it. You’re not being nice. You’re trying to cause a fucking car accident, and I hate you because you’re an idiot and you shouldn’t be driving.

Had some dipshit pull this move on me this morning, while I was in the lane on the far left, and of course that fucking slapnuts was driving a F4500 or whatever the fuck the big truck for guys with tiny dicks is, and because the yellow car can’t see through the car that is waiting for them, and the oncoming traffic in the far left lane can’t see the yellow car either, that stupid son of a bitch turned directly in front of me and damn near got T-boned for his trouble. Even a tiny bit of ice on the roads or the slightest bit of distraction and my ass would have totaled my car and his.

And, I tell you what, if I get into an accident under those circumstances, and I live through it? I’m not gonna blame the person I hit, even though they’re also a moron for turning directly into a blind spot. I’m coming after the idiot who stopped and let them through. I will flip your Goddamned car over with my bare hands.

You’re not being nice. You’re going to get someone killed. Anyone who needs to turn left should expect to have to wait until it’s clear.

Don’t fucking do it.

Set it all on fire and salt the earth

Pictured: Not my TV.

I think I am entirely giving up on the idea of television. It’s been a minimal part of my life for years, but I don’t even want the concept around any longer. I don’t give a shit about the Super Bowl but I’d kind of like to watch Kendrick Lamar’s halftime show, and it appears to be completely impossible to watch the Super Bowl on the television in my office without either purchase of additional equipment (the TV is not currently hooked up to any sort of antenna, since it’s almost exclusively for gaming) or signing up for something. I tried to download something called Fubo, where apparently the game is being streamed for free, and my TV told me that I had to sign into it– as in sign into the television— in order to download the software.

No. I’m not signing into my television. No thank you.

So, yeah, fuck it. I’m going to hit “publish,” make a very cursory attempt to stream the game on my computer instead of my TV, and if I don’t have it up and running in under a minute, it’s YouTube tomorrow for me. Things were better when you could just turn the Goddamned TV on and watch one of the five things that were on. I don’t give a fuck if that makes me a Boomer or a Luddite or whatever; television is so thoroughly enshittified at this point that I’m simply opting out of it altogether. I’m tired of idly thinking that maybe I’d like to watch a certain specific thing and then inevitably discovering that despite the ten fucking million options out there and the fifteen things we’re already signed up for, I can’t watch that thing because Reasons. It literally happens every time I decide I want to watch something specific.

I absolutely refuse to create a login for my television. That’s the line, apparently.

Fuck it.

I had something for this

I know I’ve used that joke before, but I’ve genuinely been sitting here for ten minutes trying to remember what the hell I was going to blog about tonight, and I can’t bring it to mind. Today was a really long day for like the fourth day in a row and I think maybe my brain is starting to revolt.

This again

I feel like roasted ass, and I really don’t want to miss any work this week— the kids HAVE to take a test on Friday and I’m already a week behind on the material, so I can’t be the one making them later. So I’m going to go to bed crazy-early tonight, I think, and hope that like seventeen hours of sleep helps.

In other words, I’m going to be on BlueSky until midnight.

How is it 8:00 already?

I just looked at my watch and oh my GOD where the hell did the evening go? I have nineteen thousand things I have to do before going to bed and all I want to do is stare at the wall, so my adoring public is going to have to be satisfied with this meager offering on the blog front tonight.

Also, if you ever wondered “Luther, how many pages of Brandon Sanderson can you read before you are tired of Brandon Sanderson?” the answer is approximately 5,600 in 23 days, because the thought just put it down and never speak of it again to anyone floated through my head earlier today as I was continuing to make my way through Wind and Truth. I’m not gonna– I started this and I’m ferdamnsure gonna finish it– but God, am I tired of it.

In which I cave

Dammit.

You might remember a few months ago where I went back and forth endlessly for a little while about watches. My existing Apple Watch was starting to have battery issues and I was getting tired of constantly having to pay attention to my wrist. So I ordered a nice analog watch and committed to a less connected life. Or at least I tried to.

So, yeah, I went and bought a new Apple Watch today. I’m not, like, throwing the old watch away, or anything like that, and I think I’ll continue to wear it on days where I need to dress up a little bit, but I’m going back to the Apple Watch for daily wear.

Why? Turns out the Apple Watch was useful for way more than just notifications, and part of it is definitely my fault for picking the wrong watch if I was going to walk away from a smartwatch. For example, I went super minimalistic on the new one– no visible numbers, no date, no complications at all.

I don’t think I realized, at the time, just how many times I look at my watch in a typical day, and just how often I am capable of forgetting the date in any given day. I am, as it turns out, not very bright! And I also write, with no fear of exaggeration, somewhere in the neighborhood of 20-30 hall passes each and every day, all of which must have the current time and the date on them. And that means that 20-30 times a day I’m forgetting the date and needing to look at my wall clock.

And I probably should be embarrassed about this part, but with no numbers at all it takes a second or two to parse the exact correct time on an analog watch. I’m not sure if “a second or two” makes me slow or not, but when it happens over and over again over the course of every single day it makes me regret at least not buying a watch with numbers around the outside. I didn’t think it would make a difference at the time– I can tell time on a clock– but if I’m writing a pass I want to be done writing the pass immediately because I have more important shit to be doing. Even just a couple of seconds each time adds up.

The analog watch had no light on it, and it turns out that I frequently want to look at my watch in the dark.

(I am not buying a digital watch that isn’t a smartwatch, by the way. I realize that a number of those issues could have been solved with the same kind of digital watches that have been available since I was in fourth or fifth grade. I just don’t want one of them.)

I use a data-heavy watch face, too, and it turns out that I frequently want to know what the temperature outside is. That image to the right there is my current watch face, and I genuinely after four months was unable to check my urge to look at my wrist every time I wondered what the temperature was. The Spotify song-identification app comes in handy a hell of a lot, and that’s my calendar in the top left. I feel like I had one more piece of information on the old Apple watch– my activity circles, maybe– and I might go back to that after a while, maybe instead of the Messages icon, since I’m supposed to get notifications anyway. I don’t need that on there all the time.

Driving and using a map app with the watch on is significantly easier and safer than using the phone, and my car isn’t new enough for CarPlay or something similar.

But yeah. I feel like four months with an analog watch should have been enough to cure me of my bad habits, and it wasn’t, and on top of that I was constantly missing notifications that I wanted to get– like texts from my wife to come help her with something, for example. I kept my phone muted because I can’t stand getting a beep or a chime all the Goddamn time, and the vibrate on the actual phone itself wasn’t strong enough (and hasn’t been on any phone I’ve owned for probably a decade or more) to consistently make me notice it if it was anywhere other than on a hard surface or in the pocket of a pair of jeans. I’ve had comfy pants on for most of the last several days. I haven’t noticed a single damn notification through the pockets of those pants.

So yeah. Back to being tethered to technology, I suppose. If I get annoyed with my wrist buzzing at me all the goddamn time I’ll figure out what apps don’t need to ping the phone and go with that. But the analog watch experiment is done, unfortunately.

Wait, it’s Sunday???

I swear to you that I have spent the entire day thinking it was Saturday, and I have a dentist’s appointment tomorrow that I am going to forget about, which is upsetting because they got me in as a favor because my work schedule and the hours they’re open really don’t work together at all. It has been a bewildering day; TikTok banned itself and then unbanned itself and thanked Trump for the unbanning that it did on its own instead of the guy actually in the Oval Office who said he wasn’t going to enforce the ban that the House and Senate passed and the Supreme Court ruled was constitutional, which is a whole giant mess, Diamond Comics went bankrupt a few days ago and I didn’t even hear about it, and I have five hundred pages left in Rhythm of War.

It is going to be three hundred degrees below zero for the next three days and I’m fully expecting to not have to return to work until Thursday (Wednesday might be a two-hour delay instead of a cancel, but it’s gonna be a cancel. Tuesday is kaput.) which probably explains why I don’t know what day it is. I have some school shit I should do tomorrow. We’ll see if any of that happens.

How was your day?

God damn it

Two days in a row of single-paragraph updates isn’t ideal, I know, but I’m doing the “staring at the screen and wishing I was doing something else” thing again, so I’m gonna see if I can beat Veilguard tonight instead of feeling guilty to my nonexistent obligations to my only-somewhat-existent public.

Y’all done with your Christmas shopping yet?