I have posted about Rise ‘n Roll Bakery before, at least once, but I can’t find it at the moment. The “long story short” version is that they serve the greatest doughnuts in the world, or more specifically they serve the greatest doughnut holes in the world. This is known; it’s not up for debate. The best. Ever.
The problem with Rise ‘n Roll is that until very recently the closest location to me was in freaking Middlebury, deep in Amish country, where people like me dare not go. Granted, that’s mostly because we’re lazy, as I’m sure that the people in Middlebury are perfectly nice– they’re Amish, after all– and wouldn’t, like, hurt me or anything if I tried to buy their delicious doughnuts.
Note the “until recently” there. Because just this week they opened a new location, and the new location is practically next door to my comic shop. In other words, I’ll be driving past this place at least twice a week, basically forever.
This is going to make me very very fat. Or at least I thought it was. I swung by the comic shop today to drop off some promotional materials for my signing on the 9th, since I wanted them to have them before new comic book day tomorrow. On the way back, for the first time, I pulled into Rise ‘n Roll to buy some doughnut holes.
And discovered something terrible. Something that shouldn’t have surprised me, but did, and now I am very very sad.
Rise ‘n Roll does all their baking in the morning.
Which means that by 4:00 PM, which is about the time I’ll be driving past them, almost every time, their doughnuts, and their delicious doughnut holes, are gone. And they’re likely to always be gone.
Which means that the new Rise ‘n Roll is even worse than I thought. It’s not going to make me fat. It’s just going to make me want to be fat, but it will be a terrible, no-doughnuts-for-you tease.
I may have to burn the place down.
(Sidenote: their website is risenroll.com, which I parse as “risen roll,” which brings to mind all sorts of hilariously blasphemous story ideas about resurrected Jesus pastry. This may or may not be deliberate; I’m not sure.)
Second thing, this one shorter. I got this in the mail yesterday:
Can you tell?