#WeekendCoffeeShare: Insane Idiosyncrasies Edition


If we were having coffee, I’d be in a better mood than I am right now, because I’m not drinking coffee.  (Note that it is probably best to interpret this post less as whining and more as look what an idiot I am.  Calibrate your expectations accordingly.)

Our coffee maker took a shit a couple of weeks ago, developing a leak toward the base somewhere that necessitated its immediate replacement.  The new hotness was a more expensive & more technologically complicated edition.  It had a timer on it!  My wife was super happy, as you could set everything up before bed and have hot coffee already brewed when you get out of the shower in the morning.

Sounds great, right?  It also has an auto shutoff, meaning that there’s no more early-afternoon trips that feature one of us saying Did you shut the coffee maker off? because it automatically shuts itself off after some predetermined amount of time.  And for whatever reason I haven’t taken the time to figure out how the timer works and how it can be adjusted, which means that there have been several times since we got the new coffee maker where I’ve wanted coffee and not had any, because for some reason the idea of reheated coffee creeps me out.  Once that shit gets cold, it’s permanently undrinkable.

Note that I drink iced coffee every now and again.  If it’s cold on purpose, that’s fine.  If it’s cold because it got cold, it cannot be made hot again.

Yes.  I know.

That doesn’t make any sense at all.  I am aware of the problem and I have top people working on it.

I just wandered into the kitchen– yes, I know, it’s a quarter to twelve, shut up— ready for a hot cup of coffee only to be greeted with what was best lukewarm liquid that wouldn’t have been hot at all once I added milk to it.  Turning the pot back on or putting the cup in the microwave is existentially impossible, and making a new pot seems wasteful.  So no coffee for me this morning, again, because I’m too damn dumb/lazy to figure out how to extend that auto shutoff feature by another hour or two or, better, just disable it altogether.

I am not very bright, is what I’m saying here.  On the plus side, I discovered cold pizza in the fridge that I didn’t know was there, so the morning isn’t a complete loss.

How’re you?

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